confused....

I'm confused...

I don't know what to do...
I'm fighting with my heart and with my brain...

My heart tells me I'm not tired doing all the things... but my brain oppose it...

I wanna do things but so afraid and have many fears what are the outcomes... the result...

I wanna rest my heart from the pain it always feels...

I wanna rest...

I'm tired...
I'm tired feeling this way...
so confused and so scared....

I wanna be the one who's brave that can handle anything...
I wanna be the one who's not scared of losing him...
I wanna be the one who's giving him conditions and lectures....
I wanna be the one who's brave enought to show him that I can always exist without him in my world...

But his my weakness... how can I possibly do all these things I have in my head....

But I have to... I need to... If I want him to realize on things... If I want him to miss me much... If I want him to let me feel how I feel....

I have to... I need to.. but I just CAN'T....

huhuhuhu.. what else should I do...
what else I need to do...


I'm tired...

I'm only ME when I'm with YOU....

Not so busy at work and was only reading blogs... hehehe....
Then, decided to visit OUR BLOG and post an entry of one of my fave song...


Taylor Swift - I'm Only Me When I'm With You

Friday night beneath the stars
In the field behind your yard
You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky
And sometimes we don't say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need is right here by my side
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl
Livin' in a crazy world
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
My secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me

I'll never get tired listening to this same song over and over again.. It really fits with what I am with him and with what I or we used to be... I first encountered the song, wayback 2 years ago in my senior years in college. I can even tell the story, still remember how I encountered the song, his playing dota with his classmates and I was waiting for him and just surfing the net in the same net cafe. I was browsing about anything on the net and stopped by lyricsmode.com and browse for Taylor Swift song... then tandandandan... nakakita ko sa song.. hehehhhehe....

and since then on, I listened to it almost everyday in the Bhuasz... and till now...

If were friend in FS then, you might be familiar with my background pic in my profile.. there are 7 words that stands out... hehehe...

Hahahahay, I miss the old days... The days I'm with him... The days where he spoils me by allowing me to eat junk foods [hahah, bawal man ni naq jd coz of kidney trouble]... The days when rest day come then his with me doing nothing but still enjoying the moments together... The days when I can just hug him real tight... The days when he just suddenly appears in my room while I am still sleeping or making fun out of me... The days where we stroll hand in hand at malls or anywhere... The days when there was nothing better than a date in the park and talk about us, our plans, our dreams, our future and everything else under the sun or sometimes under the bright light of the moon...

The days when i can just be myself, with HIM and only HIM..

When I'm with anybody else, it's so hard to be myself
Only He can tell... only He can tell....

myBanako, I miss the old days with you and I'm missin you so much and much and much more..

Hope to be with you sooner myBanako.. mwah..

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

67th monthsarry pics....

Happy 67th monthsarry myBanako.....

me and my date.. hehehehe... the only guy who made me believe life is so worth living for... his the reason why I'm here... The very main reason on why I'm still surviving and fighting despite the situation we have right now and despite the loneliness I felt...

He is the man of my life that I wanna spend the rest of my entire life, my forever... more than my eternity with....

He is that same guy who always make me insane.... because, after crying my heart out he knows exactly how to laugh my heart out.... hehehe

Nothing can ever compare to him not anybody not anything...

His all I ever wanted. He completes the missing piece of my life and fits perfectly well.

[g.pa.cute ko sq myBanako! kahibaw mo onsa iyang g.chat naq ana?. hehehe! ]

[hahay, i miss u B esp. kanang guitar2x.an ko nmo...]

[smile sa bao.. mga bao mi!.. hahaha]

[mga amew! hahaah.. stil enjoying the moments togeder even were in both different corner of the earth]

[mmwaaahh!... hahahaha... ana lng!. we stil don't have dull moments togeder!!!]

I'm only ME when I'm with YOU myBanako... hahahay, in front nmo I can't never pretend nga OK ko or Dili... i'm missin you so much myBanako.... i miss you njd.. as n pg.ayoooooooooooooo....

I love you so much and I always will....

You're always here with me your never too far away.....

iLOveyOusooooooooooooooooooooo much myBanakoooo... mwah..


PS:

hahaay, gwait ko saq bana ron.. gkaon pa cya ron didto...
g.date mi karon!... hehehe!...

Happy 67th monthsarry myBanako... mwaah..


L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

happy advance 67th monthsary

happy advance 67th monthsary myBanako, greet ko da.an... 2 hours nalng, 20 nah!.... greet nlang pd ko da.an B kai out nami ron 11pm den wla pc balay para maka.gret ko nimo!..

hahahay myBanako, u made my tear fell niha wid ur msgs.. i jas can't help it.. it made me miss u so much jd... but anywisz, thank you ... thank you... thank you so much for still loving me...

myBanako, i love you so much still... for all those years, still.. ikaw rajd akong world... og still, ikaw rjd ng.bring d best with me..

i miss u so much.. i reli do!.. as n.. pg.ayooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jd!..

i know i'll be with u soon... rayt?
we'll be together, rayt?

hoping to see u so soon...

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

... i still feel the pain...

I still feels the pain throughout this past few months.... the pain of missing someone, the pain of you can only touch him and be with him in dreams, the pain of being left here, the pain of longing someone, the pain of surviving each day without him physically with me...

I miss him so much, so much that I don't know how to stand and help myself from not crying...

Eventually, he knows what I feel and I demand him to comfort me and with a blink of an eye. He then puts my best smile on my face easing the pain away...

He knows me well, that he really knows exactly how to eludes the pain away...

Thank you so much myBanako... for letting me this so haappppy...

I really appreciate every bits of your actions just to comfort me eventhoug were so miles away....

I love you so much myBanako... i love you and i love you more...

All I ever wanted is You and all I ever ask is You..

You are the man of my life, You are the love of my life... but You are more than that....

You are the love of my existence...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako...mwah....

miss u na pg.ayooooooooooooooooo myBanakooooooooooooooooooo....

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

..wla lang...

Hi myBanako,

it's almost 11... actuaally it's already 10:47pm, out nq ron taud2x.... just posting some random thought in my end because you made my day niha and now g.ruin sa mga customer nq.. hahay, but i m back to normal.. i was just reading sa atong blog.. and nawala na akong sapot...

hahay, meni2x npd d.ay ang naka.read sa atong blog B.. naa ni comment nq.. maka.hilak daw cya sa atong blog.. hahaha! mao na ni ron.. it defeats its purposes nga to share love and give happiness not cry... hehehe.. but i'll understand if it's tears with joy.. or tears of inspiration.. hehehe..

iL0vey0usoooooooooooooooooooooooo much myBanako....

i miss you much... as n..

mmwahh..

out nako B.. i'll drop an email before i went to sleep and when i arrived home.. okay?



L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

...... cold Sunday day with a smile on my face

...... cold Sunday day with a smile on my face

It's a cold Sunday.. It's the 5th of July. It's been how many months passed that I felt the pain and the longingness inside my heart because of my very special half flew to NZ.

I still did not get over though with the pain nor the longingness but I'm feeling much better now than before.

I get used little by little with the pain and the longingness in my heart.

And I still have the same reason to smile... nor to smile without any reasons at all than just thinking his on the other end also, log in to Yahoo, pressing those keyboards and responding to every of my messages...

He still makes me smile without no reasons at all.
He still makes me feel happy with the thoughts that his also missing me much.
and he still makes me fall in love all over again, not to anybody but ONLY to Him.

If he can just take a glimpse on how do I look when where chatting, me, using my phone and him, log in to YM then he would surely be satisfied or be so amazed with himself for putting a life on my face and on my heart through just one smile...a smile which eases all i felt....and which gives me a big hope that someday, somehow I'll be with him sooner that I expected. [Hahay!. mo dako ang atay ato,hehehe..pero tinuod man pd...]

A few minutes ago we were chatting and now his on his way to work and I'm still on my duty, answering calls, fetching emails, reading new Moon ^_^ , daydreaming about him, taking a glance on my wallpaper and blogging ...

myBanako, please do take care always and don't forget to pray...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako, and I always will...


hope to see u so sooooooonn...


L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

1st of July

Happy, cold and rainy 1st of July to all esp. to myBanako.... mwaah..

i'm happy that it's already July... it means subtracting to the nth days or months or even years that we're not together...

wish to be with you so soon myBanako, mingaw na kaayo ko nmo jd..mwah..


iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako... mwah...

miss U na ayo B... huhuhuhu

family....

One big happy family...

This is our inangkon nga baby... hehehe.. isn't he cute and adorable? samot na ang nangangkong parents...

si Daddy Franz medyo stress man...
si Mommy kULiT wafa... heheheh...
si Baby kai super cute..

peace myBanako, wafo pd akong bana kaya...

bydaway, he is Baby Philip...

sooner, we will have our own one Big happy family myBanako, rayt?... mmmmmwwaaahh

miss you so much myBanako.....


iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako... mwwaaahhhhhh

Happy Father's Day...

myBanako, happy father's day...


mmmmmmmmmwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

thank you for the care myBanako,
for protecting me...
for the pangasaba sahay...
for teaching me how to be strong...
for believing in me...

for trusting me though gamay rah...
for accepting me..
for never tired of saying those 3 wonderful words "i L0ve you kulit" (ngek! 4 words d.ay)

iL0veyousomuchmyBanako...mwaaah...


ps: tell pd jong B, hapi father's day pd...

happy father's day to you... mwah.

Happy 66th monthsary....

Happy 66th m0nthsary myBanak0..

I'm still amaze with the l0ve we shared and h0w everything started.. Its m0re than 5 years and still can remember that day when I'm officially your's and you're officially mine.. myBanak0, I really can't bare the thought 0f you s0 far away with me..Its tearin my heart into pieces each day and i feel so homeless, for its always in you where my heart go home and bel0ng.. each day your not with me, my thought always wandering when will be the next time I'll held you so close.. so close that I can hear your breath... I'm always anticipating 0f making m0re happy mem0ries with you myBanak0.. I wanna be with you 'til, my hair color turn out all to grey or white, i wanna be with you 'til, I'll see our children grow and them having their own children, i wanna be with you myBanak0 for the rest of God's given life t0 me.. I wanna share my achievements, happy days and sad moments with you only... myBanak0, I will be with you soon. I'm sure with that and really can't wait for that time...

I'll be with you sooner, spending my life and loving you for the rest it brings....

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah...


L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

PAST do not define the FUTURE...

I admit I have flaws..
I have s0 many insecurities and issues.. in life and in me...
I'm n0t a perfect girl as 0thers may think I Am.
I'm stubborn and rude.
I want my 0wn ways always.
I understand but tend t0 n0t understand. I'am such a risk taker.
I d0n't care and d0n't mind what 0ther thinks.
I feel worthless and feel pity to myself.

There still m0re 0f negative attitude I c0mp0se 0f.
And f0r all i kn0w the r0ot 0f it defines what happened in my past.
I was blaming my past f0r what I Am n0w.
It was s0 hard when I think 0f what life will I have instead 0f playing ar0und with 0ther kids. Instead 0f thinking 0n l0lip0ps, ice creams nd n0 clases..

And there I was, thinking h0w will I be happy with it, h0w will I live with it and h0w will I forget all of it.

My past d0 n0t define my present and 0f course I'll n0t all0w my future... but as I gr0w up and discover a lot of things.. I easily give my trust to someone but don't give myself a chance to TRUST myself.. I tend to forget everything and start a new each day. I thought I already did. I thought those were just one bad dream that one day I can't think of but, those always come back, haunt me s0metimes n my dream..it was really a nightmare..I just wanna live al0ne,g0 to a place that n0b0dy knew me.. for I'm s0 afraid being judge being criticize.. H0wever, in the cruel life I had before.. there is one good thing happened ...he came.. and disc0ver I'm als0 real.. But then again it just seems my past define my attitude, my pers0nality especially 0n h0w i c0pe up 0n tings.. But i kn0w there's always a big r0om to gr0w and enough time t0 change. Though I felts sometimes I'm all alone in this j0urney...but depsite all, the things from the past and at present I never cease to give up, that is one thing I have... I never quit and never give up...

I have much m0re faith in HIM.. and in ME...

And there's always be that s0meone wh0 will n0t left me and s0me few true friend wh0 will always lift me up and never let me g0 0n this j0urney.. and wh0 will guide me 0n the right path if i g0 astray...

and who will never ever cease on loving and showing me how much they care....

ps: myBanako, iLOveyOusomuch...

Changing myself is next to impossibility...

Changing myself is next to impossibility...


I don't really agree...

I will be there.... And have much trust to myself that I'll change for there's a life that I always wanted.

a Life set by God for me...

and

I'm sure I'll prove it to anyone who's not trusting me that I'll CHANGE...

and be the right and perfect girl for him....

ehem... a better and brand new ME....

Ehem..a better and brand new Me..

Last Saturday, there's a 360 degrees revolution that happen to me.. For 24 h0urs, I haven't received any message fr0m him..which made me s0 paran0id nd s0 impulsiv wd my acti0ns..i jas slept an h0ur dat nyt..til a frend t0ld me.,d w0rld c0ntinues 0n living weder im her 0r n0t..nd ul mis every single part 0f 8...i cryd nd ask myself, wat d0 i reli want wd my lyf?.wil i gr0w f i c0ntinue living ds way?. will i always feel so down and so guilty about my past? will i just stil cling to my old selfish self?

The answer's to all my questions are just up to me. I can answers all those and I know I can have a better decision.

I'm tired feeling I'm always on the wrong corner of the earth. I'm always on the wrong side. Everything I do is not right. I'm tired not trusting myself. I'm tired always feeling the hurt and always to blame. Tired of everything about ME that is so not right...

I wanted to have a new life. A life that is respected and trusted by everybody. A life that nobody can ever dare hurt me. A life that lives righteous and nurtures life. A life, that signifies beauty. A life that is not been judge by what they can see. And a life, that has no worries.

I wanted to have that life and I wanted to be a new ME...

ME who feels and looks good inside and out.


PS: my brain is not working anymore, i can't write more. *.*
i still haven't sleep... anyway, I'll post it now.
gotta go...

myBanako, iL0vey0usomuch... mwah ^.^

kulit nakit.an ra ni nko nga pic. imo mn diay ni gi.edit noh? ahak uwaw ko...
unya gi.post. hehe.. kiss ko bih!!! mwah.. way lingaw ahak..

when to say it's too MUCH....

When to say it's too MUCH....

When 2 say 8s t0o much?..i'v ben l0ving d same guy 4 0lm0st 5yers..im hapi nl0ve..wer crazy,madly,deply nl0ve..but dspyt d l0ve. u sh0d als0 c0nsidr, aceptance, undrstanding, asurance, 0ne's reservati0n, c0mitment nd most importantly TRUST.. despyt d gret l0v we fel, tings wil f0l apart f d0s r n0t present n a rlati0nshp.. as imperfect girl as i am, i admit i c0mit mistakes.. i hurt him b4.. i betrayed him.. i disap0intd him.. i br0k his trust nd respect.. i hid s0 manytings fr0m him b4.. h0wever, my life d0esnt st0p 0n c0miting d same mstakes 0vr nd 0vr again.. my life doesnt stop on blaming or hating others, my life doesnt stop on hiding things... as much as my life doesnt stop on proving to him each day that i am too is suffering with alll the things i've did before.... my life, continues to fight and conquer each odds... my life, continues to grow for the same guy i've loved for 5 years... my life, goes on and is revolving around him and only him...
[thoughts made on my phone and was sent to my company email using uzzap]


but despyt all of dis... there are just things that will really turn our hearts out...

especially things from the past that we nor I can't escape...

me t0o, hav felings... me t0o,kn0ws h0w 2 undrstand nd is reli capable 0f undrstanding.. me t0o,kn0ws h0w and when 2 get hurt.. me t0o, kn0ws h0w 2 put myself n sam1 else's sh0es.. Me t0o,kn0ws h0w t0 fyt nd h0ld 0n.. me too, is capable of changing... me t0o,kn0ws wen t0 say it's too much.. but, one thing I don't know how... i d0nt kn0w how and when 2 ST0p and giv up..

i myt b unique n sam aspects as I may say..but im als0 a typical gal wh0's fytin nd h0ldin 0n 4 d l0ve 0f ds 0ne lad..h0 made my w0rld upside d0wn..nside 0ut.. wh0se "i l0ve u" maters evryting 2 me nd wil surely make me 0k.. whose words "yaw ko byae kulit..." will made her cry for no reasons and will made her insane for she will just smile while tears keep falling....

i keep on thinking what really makes me happy... what do i really want... for if his like this, i'm so down.... i felt that my body is 6 feet below the ground.... i felt that i'm so worthless.. i felt that i'm so cruel and so bad... i felt there's nothing good in me... i felt that I'm a parasite.. and i keep on asking myself if i can live a life that will really meet his expectations towards me... if still i can be the girl that he wanted to share his entire life with... for i know for a fact, that i'm not really the perfect girl for him but i'm perfectly so much in love with him despite my imperfections... and through the sleepless night, and again and again arguing on the same issue.. still, my mind and heart goes back to where it really belongs and to where it will really feel so much happiness... true happiness...

my life and my heart belongs to only Him, myBanako, myBaBy.. to [FRANCIS ESGUERRA] ONLY...
as I'm only me when I'm with you myBanako... through up's and down's i'm only me when i'm with YOU... og kaw rjd B naka.ila nq ana!....

hahahay, i'm now carried away with my love to him...

i shoud ought'ta say everything that keeps bothering me since last night... i shoud ought'ta say "it's too much".. i should ought'ta say "i'm badly hurt" and "i can't take it anymore"... but having the thoughts with him and about him... i can't even put a placed in my heart that I should get mad at him for continuing hurting me through his words... for not trusting me... i really just can't... i'm still filled with so much love to him... i'm still thinking that I can no matter what words came out from him or how much he'll hurt me.. i just don't know when to stop when it comes to him...

i'm committing my love... i'm reserving my life... i'm giving more than everything to him... though I know it's still not enough to him but I'm still willing and will continue doing more than everything eventhough it will mean i'm exerting beyond my capabailities and nothing's left for me...

for his more than everything to me...

I'm sorry myBanako...
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako.... love jd ayo tka B wui...

Love Lots,

kULiT, your asawa, hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again.

Happy Monthsary

It has been 4 months na kulit since we have celebrated our special day apart. huhu guol au. Don't you worry i still feel the same except that I'm always bothered about the thoughts of missing you. ka.charots ba wui. btaw true. Hahai work npd ko ugma kulit nya uli npd ko inusara mingaw au.

I miss those moments I nver get tired doing things coz I know at the end I'll got to see you.

I miss how the time flies when we're together.

I miss the memories we nver get tired to reminisce.

I miss the smile on your face when you knew
things will work out fine.

I miss the laughters we used to share from out of this world's sense

I miss the times just sitting beside you and never get bored

I miss the way u hit me when you gone mad. haha

I miss your voice which sounds an endless symphony to my soul

I miss your touch that keeps saying everything's alryt

I miss your words of " i love you"



I can feel the drops of your tears which keeps on hurting me.....saying " can we be together again?"

Happy 65th Monthsarry kulit! yoooooooohooooooooo......

dreaming of you...

Dreaming of You ..........................................

g.wait ko metting ron, ako ra isa sa area.. huhuhu... pero instead of mg.mok2x kai mao ni akong g.do.. and g.edit2x ko picture... hai!.. i miss photoshop pero mas mingaw ko anang lakiha jd...

mao ni akong g.gamit for editing the pic.. http://www.sumopaint.com/web/ ... og gkolba.an ko kai hadlok ko sakpan sa IT.. gkan na cya sa akong kaoban naka discover ana!.. hehehe..

dli nako kahibaw mo edit og pics...huuuhhu.. batia!... pero anywisz, if nana ko pc ma.ok ra lagi nah.....

gkawat2x rjd ko ani!. and i need to refresh my learnings sah Photoshop jd... ahaks! dn.a ko kaknow mo edit..uhuuh

anyweisz, very first edited pics sa floor...heheh..ssshhh!!.... na.ay IT..

iLOveyOusomuchmyBanako and i'm missin you so much jd... mwaaah....

Last Date.. sa Pinas

Our last date.... sa Pinas...

[@ Lilo-an church & Ayala]

It was February 5 & 6, 2009. 99 days ago... This is our last date before he flew to NZ... I was just hiding my thougths and my real emotions that time for I know sooner, the next day, the next, next day... I can no longer feel the warmth of his hands to mine, the warmth of his embrace and the warmth of his kiss [ssshh!.. wla ni labot]...

[eating tempura]

I remembered treating him tempura ^.^[one of the usual snack we have in going home], went to North Atrium [one of the usual place where we met], grocery [one of the usual chores we made], we went to ayala, left me there while him went to the agency and so busy for the other papers that he need to prepare for his departure.

We also eat pizza that time, [Greenwich]... went to Gaisano South for Grocery [ga.layo2x rami]... I can't help and reminisce those last days for I'm missing him so much. Nothing compares this feeling I have. I'm missin him more and more and more....

What makes me happy this past few months is when day ends and another day starts. For it means that it will subtract the day we're not together and add a day for me to get closer to him.

Certainly in time will find ways and we'll surely meet our paths and be together again. I'm so optimistic about it. As for now, I'll just meet him everyday in my dreams and hug him really super tight [wish I can hug him for real sooner].

myBanako, I'm missin you so much. I really do but I know sooner I will be with you and never ever will get separated again.

iL0vey0us0muchmyBanako..mwah..

I'm badly missin you, please do take care always...

Love Lots,

kULiT, your asawa, hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again.

64th monthsarry

happy 64th monthsarry myBanako...


[...our advance V date...]

another month for us to celebrate and another month for our love... again, it's been the 3rd time you're not here with me but you're always here inside my little ...

Though we're miles apart or should I say country apart... still I feel the love within... I still feel the same level of love.. I'm still so much and much more in love with YOU... in love jd ko nmo B wui.. as n!.. Nothings change except that I love you more and more than before you're here with me.. Your absence makes me love you even more.

DISTANCE is really nothing compared to what I feel though I really can't deny the fact that I'm missing you much.. each and every single day pass...

I miss every single bit of You and each of our memories...
I miss myself being with You, talking like it'll never end, arguing our differences, making unrealistic and impossible plans or dreams, reminiscing each of our crazy trips and gigs, and most especially sitting beside you doing nothing but still can't feel any dull moments...

Nowadays, I got to appreciate the beauty of simplicity.. for one single or simple thing can make me so happy and smile for no reason but just thinking of you and only you, a simple 'i love you kulit' [exact format] from you will complete my day...

I've realized many things without you here with me.... I am more stronger and determined... more independent.. got to know myself more.. my capabilities to love and to hold on to something and someone so special... braver enough to handle and manage things properly... the more I gain TRUST to myself that I can... this is just a little test for me and surely I can surpass and conquer this all..

I am much more expressive writing my thoughts and emotions to let you know what I went through...

I want you to know and everyone else that I'm still madly, deeply so in love with you... that's why I'm posting my personal message in our blog.. hehehe...

I'm happy still I have the same feelings for you... and still very much happy that it's still YOU i wanna share my happiness and give my love to...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako...mwah..

[...harts day gift...]

Happy 64th monthsarry, hoping, wishing, praying and looking forward to be with you again.. mwah..

L0ve L0ts,
kULiT, your asawa...

i L0ve y0u spam.... ^-^

...................................... i LOve yOu spam




For the last day of April.... my new entry is an "iL0vey0u" spam to myBanako.... hehehehe..

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah....
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah....
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah.
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah....
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah....
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah....
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah.
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah....

iL0vey00000uuuuu sooo much... and much and much more.... but i'm afraid my shout is too short to let you hear how much i love you....




hehehhehhe.... i will soon post my 64th monthsarry letter for myBanako..... i'm not that busy though I am just a little lazy this past few days that's why I haven't post my message for our 64th month.... The message is already done, I finished it last April 20.. heheheh..

I'll post it soon .... but for now let me shout so that he can hear in the other end that I love him so much... and much.. and much... and much more...

I am really in love... weeee!!


[message here soon for the 64th monthsarry]
.............. i place it on a new entry above... you may click the link for the 64th monthsarry message


iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako.. mwah..

i miss you much.. but I fell so in love than missing you that much, your alway here though in my little yet so in love heart of mine... wweee!

L0ve L0ts,

kulit, your asawa

Long Distance Relationship is not a crap at all...

Long distance relationship....





I happened to passed by and checked some updated entries of this certain blog, my husband's friend blog. It seems to talk about how crap Long Distance Relationship is, so I decided to share my thoughts about it. Why not? Letme give a try on this. I can much relate LD relationship with my current situation.

Many would say LDR will really not work, it's a crap or don't have much faith on it to work. Many of course, have been there and have their hearts broken. Many of course, have been fighting and struggling and yet still happy stories ended. I can't blame them though. I'm not there, I'm not in their shoe when all it happens. I don't want to dig deep though.

Many don't have that much faith on LDR to work however, I'm not just thinking on the bad side.I'm thinking the other side of it. The world around LDR. There is surely a brighter side as I may say there's always a sunny day after a heavy storm.

I know and much optimistic about that it'll surely works. Though honestly, I once was said "I don't believe in LDR relationship." I once was part of the opposing crowd. But now, everything has changed. I am willin to risk and have much faith on it to work. I understand more that LDR is not just the word itself. LDR is not a word to utter.

There are certain things that I believed you need to keep in mind in LDR. As I was brainstorming about it yesterday before posting this. I came up with a lot of, a lot of things and factors. LDR is not just a one thing to consider there are really a lot of things.

And as for my opinion I come up with 3 important things that I think if one piece is missing it will not surely complete the puzzle.

TRUST
COMMUNICATION
LOVE

and this has to be on both sides, both parties, boy and girl in a relationship, man and woman. Love is not one-sided. Both have to complete the puzzle for it to work as it takes two to dance a tango.

I know for a fact it's not easy to handle or be in an LDR. A lot of things will possible happen when your both apart. I have fears. And way too scared. But the more I think about it, the more it will chase. Surely, I'm not alone in this journey. I can't though provide statistically the percentage of couples out there who's in an LDR. But I'm sure, there are unfamiliar faces out there who feels the same way I do, who believes the same way I think, who hopes the same way I want it to work.

I'm not really alone. He's also on the other side of the earth, specifically in New Zealand whose surely feels and thinks the way I do.

I know his holding my imaginary hand, and my heart so close to him.

His also fighting and struggling.

He's with me on this journey, therefore we surely know this work.

We believed and have much faith on each other. We're destined to be one. And we'll prove to you all LDR works.

CONCLUSION: LDR is not a crap at all....

iLOveyousomuchmyBanako... mwah..

I know we can surely make this works, ayt?

mwaahah.. i miss you so much...

Love lots,

kULiT, your asawa missin you much

New Zeland fulfilling our dreams...

New Zealand here comes myBanako....




[pictures in the airport and in the car going to airport]


[his ever loving and supportive mom & dad]


[his ever caring lola...]

It was Feb. 7, 2009...the day that I hated to come but it has to come for that will be the start of our dreams, his dreams, my dreams .. and of course our future...

it was a rainy saturday 66 days ago... d nyt before that i remembered i went home late for i had a date with someone whom so special in my heart for the last time.. [ill post our last date pics. soon]


[ his last day at home before leaving to NZ]

we ate tempura, stroll in the park, went shopping, went to church, we had the most pressure time on preparing for his departure and yet, so little time to spend and do the usual things that he will surely miss or i will surely miss...however, we still make the most out of the 2 days left...we had a date 2 days before that day...

i had so much plans before he'll leave but had so little time in achieving those plans. but then, i managed or we managed to just enjoy and make simple memories before he left. its not really simple for i cried a barrel of water i think.. hehehe... i really cant imagine how i will let a day passed without him...

we had so many topics to talk about and it only ends....me crying... for i was missing him so much eventhough his beside me at that time...

i was missing him so much at that time...and im still missing him and much more missing him now...


[his family, me & him with friends]

the pictures were taken before he left...its my first time in the airport... and im bothered by so many things and so worried in him for his alone... but i know he will arrived in New Zealand safe.. but i cant just help myself to worry on things esp. when about him...

so before the time strike to 4:30pm in Phils. time we took a lot of pictures... to capture the moments even though its parting time.. i keep on glancing at the clock in the airport for i know its a matter of minutes he will not be next to me for more months and years to come...

its 4:30pm!!!.... i still remember my face at that time... hehehe.. i promise not to cry for we had a deal with his friends that i will treat them if i'll cry but really cant help it... i was so anxious on what will going to happen next..

at exactly 4:30 we then gave him hugs and kisses from friends and his family.... i then gave him the tighter hug... that i don't wanna let him go... i don't wanna let him enter that door that will separate him from me... i don't wanna let him go... but the saddest part is i have to and i must to.. i do understand the whole concept on why his leaving... that's why i have and must let him go...

he then, walked away, waved goodbye and entered the door that will take him away from us... but surely i will be with him soon.. sooner that i expect...

at around Feb. 9, 2009 12:00 midnight Philippine time he arrived safely in New Zealand. and im missing him more than before his here...

iL0veyouso much myBanako.. and im missin you so much..please do take care of yourself there.. i will see u soon.. and i will be with you soon...

L0ve L0ts,

your asawa, kulit...

myBanako's random pics

Random pics

Just some random pictures from the save images in my profile. Every now and then, I kept on viewing these pics. I never get tired viewing same old pictures and same old faces. hehehe. *just kidding myBanako*

And every time I see those pics my heart long for him. I'm missin him so much. So much that I wanted to shout just to lessen this feeling. So much that Im having a hard time defining "missing" and "longing". So much that it's like I don't know anymore how it feels like hugging him.

So much that I just want to sleep and pick him in my dream and hug him for REAL.

I miss him with me. I do. I miss him.

I know for sure I will be with him sooner.. and when that day comes I will never ever agree that we will be separated again.

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako...i miss you...
I will be with you soon..mwah..

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa missin you somuch