confused....

I'm confused...

I don't know what to do...
I'm fighting with my heart and with my brain...

My heart tells me I'm not tired doing all the things... but my brain oppose it...

I wanna do things but so afraid and have many fears what are the outcomes... the result...

I wanna rest my heart from the pain it always feels...

I wanna rest...

I'm tired...
I'm tired feeling this way...
so confused and so scared....

I wanna be the one who's brave that can handle anything...
I wanna be the one who's not scared of losing him...
I wanna be the one who's giving him conditions and lectures....
I wanna be the one who's brave enought to show him that I can always exist without him in my world...

But his my weakness... how can I possibly do all these things I have in my head....

But I have to... I need to... If I want him to realize on things... If I want him to miss me much... If I want him to let me feel how I feel....

I have to... I need to.. but I just CAN'T....

huhuhuhu.. what else should I do...
what else I need to do...


I'm tired...

I'm only ME when I'm with YOU....

Not so busy at work and was only reading blogs... hehehe....
Then, decided to visit OUR BLOG and post an entry of one of my fave song...


Taylor Swift - I'm Only Me When I'm With You

Friday night beneath the stars
In the field behind your yard
You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky
And sometimes we don't say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need is right here by my side
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl
Livin' in a crazy world
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
My secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me

I'll never get tired listening to this same song over and over again.. It really fits with what I am with him and with what I or we used to be... I first encountered the song, wayback 2 years ago in my senior years in college. I can even tell the story, still remember how I encountered the song, his playing dota with his classmates and I was waiting for him and just surfing the net in the same net cafe. I was browsing about anything on the net and stopped by lyricsmode.com and browse for Taylor Swift song... then tandandandan... nakakita ko sa song.. hehehhhehe....

and since then on, I listened to it almost everyday in the Bhuasz... and till now...

If were friend in FS then, you might be familiar with my background pic in my profile.. there are 7 words that stands out... hehehe...

Hahahahay, I miss the old days... The days I'm with him... The days where he spoils me by allowing me to eat junk foods [hahah, bawal man ni naq jd coz of kidney trouble]... The days when rest day come then his with me doing nothing but still enjoying the moments together... The days when I can just hug him real tight... The days when he just suddenly appears in my room while I am still sleeping or making fun out of me... The days where we stroll hand in hand at malls or anywhere... The days when there was nothing better than a date in the park and talk about us, our plans, our dreams, our future and everything else under the sun or sometimes under the bright light of the moon...

The days when i can just be myself, with HIM and only HIM..

When I'm with anybody else, it's so hard to be myself
Only He can tell... only He can tell....

myBanako, I miss the old days with you and I'm missin you so much and much and much more..

Hope to be with you sooner myBanako.. mwah..

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

67th monthsarry pics....

Happy 67th monthsarry myBanako.....

me and my date.. hehehehe... the only guy who made me believe life is so worth living for... his the reason why I'm here... The very main reason on why I'm still surviving and fighting despite the situation we have right now and despite the loneliness I felt...

He is the man of my life that I wanna spend the rest of my entire life, my forever... more than my eternity with....

He is that same guy who always make me insane.... because, after crying my heart out he knows exactly how to laugh my heart out.... hehehe

Nothing can ever compare to him not anybody not anything...

His all I ever wanted. He completes the missing piece of my life and fits perfectly well.

[g.pa.cute ko sq myBanako! kahibaw mo onsa iyang g.chat naq ana?. hehehe! ]

[hahay, i miss u B esp. kanang guitar2x.an ko nmo...]

[smile sa bao.. mga bao mi!.. hahaha]

[mga amew! hahaah.. stil enjoying the moments togeder even were in both different corner of the earth]

[mmwaaahh!... hahahaha... ana lng!. we stil don't have dull moments togeder!!!]

I'm only ME when I'm with YOU myBanako... hahahay, in front nmo I can't never pretend nga OK ko or Dili... i'm missin you so much myBanako.... i miss you njd.. as n pg.ayoooooooooooooo....

I love you so much and I always will....

You're always here with me your never too far away.....

iLOveyOusooooooooooooooooooooo much myBanakoooo... mwah..


PS:

hahaay, gwait ko saq bana ron.. gkaon pa cya ron didto...
g.date mi karon!... hehehe!...

Happy 67th monthsarry myBanako... mwaah..


L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

happy advance 67th monthsary

happy advance 67th monthsary myBanako, greet ko da.an... 2 hours nalng, 20 nah!.... greet nlang pd ko da.an B kai out nami ron 11pm den wla pc balay para maka.gret ko nimo!..

hahahay myBanako, u made my tear fell niha wid ur msgs.. i jas can't help it.. it made me miss u so much jd... but anywisz, thank you ... thank you... thank you so much for still loving me...

myBanako, i love you so much still... for all those years, still.. ikaw rajd akong world... og still, ikaw rjd ng.bring d best with me..

i miss u so much.. i reli do!.. as n.. pg.ayooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jd!..

i know i'll be with u soon... rayt?
we'll be together, rayt?

hoping to see u so soon...

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

... i still feel the pain...

I still feels the pain throughout this past few months.... the pain of missing someone, the pain of you can only touch him and be with him in dreams, the pain of being left here, the pain of longing someone, the pain of surviving each day without him physically with me...

I miss him so much, so much that I don't know how to stand and help myself from not crying...

Eventually, he knows what I feel and I demand him to comfort me and with a blink of an eye. He then puts my best smile on my face easing the pain away...

He knows me well, that he really knows exactly how to eludes the pain away...

Thank you so much myBanako... for letting me this so haappppy...

I really appreciate every bits of your actions just to comfort me eventhoug were so miles away....

I love you so much myBanako... i love you and i love you more...

All I ever wanted is You and all I ever ask is You..

You are the man of my life, You are the love of my life... but You are more than that....

You are the love of my existence...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako...mwah....

miss u na pg.ayooooooooooooooooo myBanakooooooooooooooooooo....

L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

..wla lang...

Hi myBanako,

it's almost 11... actuaally it's already 10:47pm, out nq ron taud2x.... just posting some random thought in my end because you made my day niha and now g.ruin sa mga customer nq.. hahay, but i m back to normal.. i was just reading sa atong blog.. and nawala na akong sapot...

hahay, meni2x npd d.ay ang naka.read sa atong blog B.. naa ni comment nq.. maka.hilak daw cya sa atong blog.. hahaha! mao na ni ron.. it defeats its purposes nga to share love and give happiness not cry... hehehe.. but i'll understand if it's tears with joy.. or tears of inspiration.. hehehe..

iL0vey0usoooooooooooooooooooooooo much myBanako....

i miss you much... as n..

mmwahh..

out nako B.. i'll drop an email before i went to sleep and when i arrived home.. okay?



L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

...... cold Sunday day with a smile on my face

...... cold Sunday day with a smile on my face

It's a cold Sunday.. It's the 5th of July. It's been how many months passed that I felt the pain and the longingness inside my heart because of my very special half flew to NZ.

I still did not get over though with the pain nor the longingness but I'm feeling much better now than before.

I get used little by little with the pain and the longingness in my heart.

And I still have the same reason to smile... nor to smile without any reasons at all than just thinking his on the other end also, log in to Yahoo, pressing those keyboards and responding to every of my messages...

He still makes me smile without no reasons at all.
He still makes me feel happy with the thoughts that his also missing me much.
and he still makes me fall in love all over again, not to anybody but ONLY to Him.

If he can just take a glimpse on how do I look when where chatting, me, using my phone and him, log in to YM then he would surely be satisfied or be so amazed with himself for putting a life on my face and on my heart through just one smile...a smile which eases all i felt....and which gives me a big hope that someday, somehow I'll be with him sooner that I expected. [Hahay!. mo dako ang atay ato,hehehe..pero tinuod man pd...]

A few minutes ago we were chatting and now his on his way to work and I'm still on my duty, answering calls, fetching emails, reading new Moon ^_^ , daydreaming about him, taking a glance on my wallpaper and blogging ...

myBanako, please do take care always and don't forget to pray...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako, and I always will...


hope to see u so sooooooonn...


L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

1st of July

Happy, cold and rainy 1st of July to all esp. to myBanako.... mwaah..

i'm happy that it's already July... it means subtracting to the nth days or months or even years that we're not together...

wish to be with you so soon myBanako, mingaw na kaayo ko nmo jd..mwah..


iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako... mwah...

miss U na ayo B... huhuhuhu