Journey of one's self...

“nothing is worth having if it comes so easy...” 

The journey of one's self...

Last night, I was on SL due to personal reason. And  I'm needing him that much. I need him to stay longer & talk to me or if possible have a lil chit-chat with corny jokes for really I'm feeling so lonely even I was just at home. I was begging him to stay longer but he need to sleep for it's almost 1am in his end. It's not like in the Phils. that it's just 8 in the evening.

This is one hell adjustment of LDR. When you need your partner in your side to comfort you and feel his warmth hug and cuddles. I know it's not possible but at least he was there talking to me on skype.

I was having hard time to sleep, to deal with the loneliness, to deal with my emotions. I need him that much last night but it should not continue for I know my life is not about dealing with all the emotions in the world. My life has to deal with all other things in which I need to face it with chin-up.

Last night, before my subconscious eats my whole system and take me to my dreamland, where me lying or cuddling in his arms. I then recall, the plans I had before. I remembered that I wanna do it, one day. Like, go to familiar places, common places we used to date. Where we used to create memories or reminisce memories. Where we can just be ourselves, no worries, no problems and nothing to think about than just the two US spending each moments of our life.

Thus, I wanna conquer the biggest fear of my life. Being ALONE, going to places that reminds me of him and tearing/killing/drowning myself to loneliness 'til I'm getting used to it that I can leave by the pain that brought with it. Plus without telling anyone, not even Him. Before I think of this, but so scared to do it alone, for I don't know how, what will I do or what shall I feel. But as I wake up this morning, there's this urge to do it. To conquer this, to face everything alone, to keep running in comforting myself when he's not there to comfort me.

I was doubtful early this morning that I can do it. It was so difficult to step outside from our house and go where my feet will take me. It was hard to think that I know he's not waiting to any place I have in mind which I want to go. But still I wanted to go. The urge was stronger. The need was stronger. So I step out of the house and thinking : give yourself a break kulit. You know you can. Be free from all worries and lets go, will have a date.

Yeaaaahh!!!.... I was scared at first for thinking what shall I do? Where should I go first? But, weeeee..... there I go, free as a bird, riding jeepney's to and fro. Unwinding myself, which means to me finding familiar places which will remind me of him. Which I know that he exist, that we exist before on those places.

Time Started: 10 am... this is it kULiT!!!

First stop : Visit close person in our hearts.

Got to visit my papa, my lola & lolo, his lolo as well.

plus: hapit2x sa kilid!!!...

Before heading North, LUNCH TIME AT Jobi Lilo-an...

Second stop: Got to visit the place where we spend our first months, monthsarries,birthdays, anniversaries or any random dates or occasions. The original place where we love star gazing but too bad, can't do star gazing for I know I can't be home too late still have duty tonight.

Third stop: Got to visit where we usually love star gazing  2nd place where we love to hang out and just hang out anytime of the day usually after class during college days. huhuhuhu, I really miss this one... star gazing and tsecrettt... hehehe

Time Ended: 4:45 pm... happy to go home!!!!

Whew, what a day I had earlier. And it's nice to know that I was able to made it, without crying my heart out. I simply just spend my day unwinding especially on the third place where I miss the most. Where I got to let all my fears out, all bad thoughts and keep myself stronger. I made it. I didn't keep on looking for him not even miscall for I simply want to have him a day out of any problems that I caused him these past few days or months. For all the worries I brought to him.

I feel so new about myself. So satisfied with all things that happened today, with all the places that I went to. I feel that I can conquer each odds, each loneliness alone. I feel stronger that I was able to visit each places which reminds me of him without crying my heart out for I know his there with me also, here in my heart.

Honestly, though I was alone. I didn't feel lonely at all...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwaaahh....