the very same day

"Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again"

Came from my 1 hour lunch break. I had a lil-chitchat with my lunch buddy, Au2x. Then, I remembered. I remembered that today happens to be one of the saddest day of my life. First is, each day without him. No wonder, I felt not good today. I'm having a heavy heart, at the same time emptiness inside.

I remembered last year.
It was a gloomy day.
It actually rained like clouds and the sun felt what I'm feeling.
It was that day, when I had 3 straight days CWS and 7 straight days of work.
It was that day, when I don't know how  I'll survived even just a day.
It was that day, that I only want to think of Nothing but my brain is not my best ally.
It was that day, when our dreams will slowly fulfilled but need to sacrifice our time together.
It was also that day, for the very first time ever I went to an Airport.
It was that day, when I got to spend my time with him together with his family and our friends.
It was that day, when I got to spend my half day with him.
It was that day, when I'll know I need to be stronger each day for I'll be facing one of the greatest fear of my life : being ALONE.
It was that day, when I last saw his smiles, last time I felt his touch, last time I felt his hug and the last time I heard him whisper 'iloveyou' and never had the idea when will be the next time I'm able to have him close.

It was that day, when I realized that his inside that plane. Moving away from us, from me that I just caught myself realizing how lonely, how awful it felt to know someone special is leaving.

Whewww!!!... I can just sigh and tell to myself that I was a non-believer before of LDR but right now. I seem to have much faith on it. Time passed by so quickly. It's already a year, I can still tell every detailed that happened as of this very moment on the very same day last year. It seems the weather right now felt what I'm feeling. It's gloomy outside also, just like on that same day last year, but unlike last year definitely, it'll not gonna rain as I can no longer cry as much as I want to. For tears no longer permit there-selves to fall.

For a long empty and lonely year, without him. I'm thinking of the changes starting from that same day 'till now. Have I changed? Is there any changes at all? Is there any difference? What I feel for him? How much I love him? How much I wanted to be with him each moment of my life?

It makes no difference, distance makes no difference. It doesn't change anything. His actually right, 'Loving you from a distance makes no difference. Only that I miss you so much' and that's exactly how I can tell what I felt in one sentence. I'm still in-love with him & still waiting. Waiting & hoping that this same day today, will never ever gonna happen again but instead will be replaced with each-day-waking-up-with-him and spending-each-of-my-days-with-him.

I miss you myBanako!. mwah

iL0veyousomuchmyBanako..mwaaah..