3 REST DAYS

haaay, It's been the 3rd day. 3 straight days haven't see him online (what I mean, OL with cams) though he will log in like at 9pm there or around 5pm here in the Cebu. But sadly, I'm in my work and can't just adjust nor find a way to go online where I can see him. Luckily got my uzzap still working, at least we have time to talk but not see each other. I so miss him, as in so much...

I tried waking up as early as I can than the usual days I woke up, wishing he'll go online and thinking he want to see me also. But I think it's just my imagination acting up a bit.Maybe he's just too busy on something or there's just too much work to do or maybe enjoying the 3 days RD. I just don't know what he is up to right now but I need not to freak out as I promised him, I need to think that no matter what happen everything is just fine, just like normal days. But this is not normal, I feel so awful. Normal days is going online talkin' and seeing him.

I need to lessen some things (love, care, attention) , lengthen my patience & understand. Give him a break for this is what he need, as he kept on saying. Thus, I'm trying to give it to him though I suck at this for my heart want him always, need him like I've never needed anyone in my life before.

I can't deny that my days are incomplete without seeing him. My days are so damn awful when I can't hear anything from  him. My days are so sad & lonely without the thoughts of him and those are killing me deep inside. Those 3 days that he's out of my sight is like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. I've been trying to look for him everywhere, even locking my eyes to his FB profile, browsing his pictures, reading his messages again and again but it can't seem to heal my longing heart. It so different when I'm able to see him through skype cam & chat with him in yahoo messenger or used gmail for me to see him clearly. It's different when I got to see his smiles just only for me. It's so different to hear him when he'll said "i love you kulit". It's so different when I got to see how he yawn when his sleepy for we've been talking for hours. It's so different when he'll make fun of his self or crack silly jokes so that I can laugh my heart out. It's so different when I know you're just there on the other side looking at me. Whew! I really wanna cry...dom dom dom dom... & all I'm thinking is it's my choice to get affected so I shouldn't get affected. I shouldn't!!! (but my heart is already whipping sadly)

I need to focus on making myself happy now even if it means without seeing him for the next couple of days. argh! or I need not to freak out and have patience that high so that I'll not going to get mad and start a fight.

I just remembered one line from Ms. Sheryl : "If mo.online, maayo. If dli mo.online, kevs wui!!!"

so kevs jd!!!