when to say it's too MUCH....

When to say it's too MUCH....

When 2 say 8s t0o much?..i'v ben l0ving d same guy 4 0lm0st 5yers..im hapi nl0ve..wer crazy,madly,deply nl0ve..but dspyt d l0ve. u sh0d als0 c0nsidr, aceptance, undrstanding, asurance, 0ne's reservati0n, c0mitment nd most importantly TRUST.. despyt d gret l0v we fel, tings wil f0l apart f d0s r n0t present n a rlati0nshp.. as imperfect girl as i am, i admit i c0mit mistakes.. i hurt him b4.. i betrayed him.. i disap0intd him.. i br0k his trust nd respect.. i hid s0 manytings fr0m him b4.. h0wever, my life d0esnt st0p 0n c0miting d same mstakes 0vr nd 0vr again.. my life doesnt stop on blaming or hating others, my life doesnt stop on hiding things... as much as my life doesnt stop on proving to him each day that i am too is suffering with alll the things i've did before.... my life, continues to fight and conquer each odds... my life, continues to grow for the same guy i've loved for 5 years... my life, goes on and is revolving around him and only him...
[thoughts made on my phone and was sent to my company email using uzzap]


but despyt all of dis... there are just things that will really turn our hearts out...

especially things from the past that we nor I can't escape...

me t0o, hav felings... me t0o,kn0ws h0w 2 undrstand nd is reli capable 0f undrstanding.. me t0o,kn0ws h0w and when 2 get hurt.. me t0o, kn0ws h0w 2 put myself n sam1 else's sh0es.. Me t0o,kn0ws h0w t0 fyt nd h0ld 0n.. me too, is capable of changing... me t0o,kn0ws wen t0 say it's too much.. but, one thing I don't know how... i d0nt kn0w how and when 2 ST0p and giv up..

i myt b unique n sam aspects as I may say..but im als0 a typical gal wh0's fytin nd h0ldin 0n 4 d l0ve 0f ds 0ne lad..h0 made my w0rld upside d0wn..nside 0ut.. wh0se "i l0ve u" maters evryting 2 me nd wil surely make me 0k.. whose words "yaw ko byae kulit..." will made her cry for no reasons and will made her insane for she will just smile while tears keep falling....

i keep on thinking what really makes me happy... what do i really want... for if his like this, i'm so down.... i felt that my body is 6 feet below the ground.... i felt that i'm so worthless.. i felt that i'm so cruel and so bad... i felt there's nothing good in me... i felt that I'm a parasite.. and i keep on asking myself if i can live a life that will really meet his expectations towards me... if still i can be the girl that he wanted to share his entire life with... for i know for a fact, that i'm not really the perfect girl for him but i'm perfectly so much in love with him despite my imperfections... and through the sleepless night, and again and again arguing on the same issue.. still, my mind and heart goes back to where it really belongs and to where it will really feel so much happiness... true happiness...

my life and my heart belongs to only Him, myBanako, myBaBy.. to [FRANCIS ESGUERRA] ONLY...
as I'm only me when I'm with you myBanako... through up's and down's i'm only me when i'm with YOU... og kaw rjd B naka.ila nq ana!....

hahahay, i'm now carried away with my love to him...

i shoud ought'ta say everything that keeps bothering me since last night... i shoud ought'ta say "it's too much".. i should ought'ta say "i'm badly hurt" and "i can't take it anymore"... but having the thoughts with him and about him... i can't even put a placed in my heart that I should get mad at him for continuing hurting me through his words... for not trusting me... i really just can't... i'm still filled with so much love to him... i'm still thinking that I can no matter what words came out from him or how much he'll hurt me.. i just don't know when to stop when it comes to him...

i'm committing my love... i'm reserving my life... i'm giving more than everything to him... though I know it's still not enough to him but I'm still willing and will continue doing more than everything eventhough it will mean i'm exerting beyond my capabailities and nothing's left for me...

for his more than everything to me...

I'm sorry myBanako...
iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako.... love jd ayo tka B wui...

Love Lots,

kULiT, your asawa, hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again.

Happy Monthsary

It has been 4 months na kulit since we have celebrated our special day apart. huhu guol au. Don't you worry i still feel the same except that I'm always bothered about the thoughts of missing you. ka.charots ba wui. btaw true. Hahai work npd ko ugma kulit nya uli npd ko inusara mingaw au.

I miss those moments I nver get tired doing things coz I know at the end I'll got to see you.

I miss how the time flies when we're together.

I miss the memories we nver get tired to reminisce.

I miss the smile on your face when you knew
things will work out fine.

I miss the laughters we used to share from out of this world's sense

I miss the times just sitting beside you and never get bored

I miss the way u hit me when you gone mad. haha

I miss your voice which sounds an endless symphony to my soul

I miss your touch that keeps saying everything's alryt

I miss your words of " i love you"



I can feel the drops of your tears which keeps on hurting me.....saying " can we be together again?"

Happy 65th Monthsarry kulit! yoooooooohooooooooo......

dreaming of you...

Dreaming of You ..........................................

g.wait ko metting ron, ako ra isa sa area.. huhuhu... pero instead of mg.mok2x kai mao ni akong g.do.. and g.edit2x ko picture... hai!.. i miss photoshop pero mas mingaw ko anang lakiha jd...

mao ni akong g.gamit for editing the pic.. http://www.sumopaint.com/web/ ... og gkolba.an ko kai hadlok ko sakpan sa IT.. gkan na cya sa akong kaoban naka discover ana!.. hehehe..

dli nako kahibaw mo edit og pics...huuuhhu.. batia!... pero anywisz, if nana ko pc ma.ok ra lagi nah.....

gkawat2x rjd ko ani!. and i need to refresh my learnings sah Photoshop jd... ahaks! dn.a ko kaknow mo edit..uhuuh

anyweisz, very first edited pics sa floor...heheh..ssshhh!!.... na.ay IT..

iLOveyOusomuchmyBanako and i'm missin you so much jd... mwaaah....

Last Date.. sa Pinas

Our last date.... sa Pinas...

[@ Lilo-an church & Ayala]

It was February 5 & 6, 2009. 99 days ago... This is our last date before he flew to NZ... I was just hiding my thougths and my real emotions that time for I know sooner, the next day, the next, next day... I can no longer feel the warmth of his hands to mine, the warmth of his embrace and the warmth of his kiss [ssshh!.. wla ni labot]...

[eating tempura]

I remembered treating him tempura ^.^[one of the usual snack we have in going home], went to North Atrium [one of the usual place where we met], grocery [one of the usual chores we made], we went to ayala, left me there while him went to the agency and so busy for the other papers that he need to prepare for his departure.

We also eat pizza that time, [Greenwich]... went to Gaisano South for Grocery [ga.layo2x rami]... I can't help and reminisce those last days for I'm missing him so much. Nothing compares this feeling I have. I'm missin him more and more and more....

What makes me happy this past few months is when day ends and another day starts. For it means that it will subtract the day we're not together and add a day for me to get closer to him.

Certainly in time will find ways and we'll surely meet our paths and be together again. I'm so optimistic about it. As for now, I'll just meet him everyday in my dreams and hug him really super tight [wish I can hug him for real sooner].

myBanako, I'm missin you so much. I really do but I know sooner I will be with you and never ever will get separated again.

iL0vey0us0muchmyBanako..mwah..

I'm badly missin you, please do take care always...

Love Lots,

kULiT, your asawa, hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again.

64th monthsarry

happy 64th monthsarry myBanako...


[...our advance V date...]

another month for us to celebrate and another month for our love... again, it's been the 3rd time you're not here with me but you're always here inside my little ...

Though we're miles apart or should I say country apart... still I feel the love within... I still feel the same level of love.. I'm still so much and much more in love with YOU... in love jd ko nmo B wui.. as n!.. Nothings change except that I love you more and more than before you're here with me.. Your absence makes me love you even more.

DISTANCE is really nothing compared to what I feel though I really can't deny the fact that I'm missing you much.. each and every single day pass...

I miss every single bit of You and each of our memories...
I miss myself being with You, talking like it'll never end, arguing our differences, making unrealistic and impossible plans or dreams, reminiscing each of our crazy trips and gigs, and most especially sitting beside you doing nothing but still can't feel any dull moments...

Nowadays, I got to appreciate the beauty of simplicity.. for one single or simple thing can make me so happy and smile for no reason but just thinking of you and only you, a simple 'i love you kulit' [exact format] from you will complete my day...

I've realized many things without you here with me.... I am more stronger and determined... more independent.. got to know myself more.. my capabilities to love and to hold on to something and someone so special... braver enough to handle and manage things properly... the more I gain TRUST to myself that I can... this is just a little test for me and surely I can surpass and conquer this all..

I am much more expressive writing my thoughts and emotions to let you know what I went through...

I want you to know and everyone else that I'm still madly, deeply so in love with you... that's why I'm posting my personal message in our blog.. hehehe...

I'm happy still I have the same feelings for you... and still very much happy that it's still YOU i wanna share my happiness and give my love to...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako...mwah..

[...harts day gift...]

Happy 64th monthsarry, hoping, wishing, praying and looking forward to be with you again.. mwah..

L0ve L0ts,
kULiT, your asawa...