the one who love more

For the past few days of not feeling well and having myself back. I'm doom again to this unbearable feeling of missing someone so much. I just can't help it, like can't help myself from thinking of him. From the moment that the sun rise and wake up from heavy sleep I can then think of him. His face will just then pop up from that same old place that occupy my mind and my heart for the very long time while staring at the ceiling to absorb myself that I'm already awake. Then, my day starts thinking I can survive this long day and wishing his there with me. Go on with my daily routine on what I have for the day. Sometimes, we will go online and we chat and talk for a while and this will somehow cover up the loneliness and somehow will help me go through the day.

And at the middle of the day or at the end of the day, still my mind is lingering to every thought of him. Whether I'm on the jeepney going to work, or while eating my lunch in the pantry or just about to sleep. I always have my phone with me, checking on him from time to time or shall I say include him to whatever activities I have. When I'm about to sleep, I usually put my cellphone on an upright position just to see his YM ID flash on the monitor and bid my goodnights and found myself talking to my phone. Yeah, it might sound crazy but this is what I do each and everyday/every night. Even I know he'll not go online but this keep me sane, this keep me think his always part of me no matter where or when.

Whatever my mood is for the day, I can't cease to keep my mind from thinking of him and my heart from wanting him each day with me. I can sometimes pondered that there are two individuals in a relationship. The one who love more and the one who receive the love more. And I can't deny I'm the first person. Well, his deserving for this love I have. I was once, the one who received the love more and the one who easily give up then let go and move on like nothing happens. Its just one day everything turns upside down. And how everything, change me into someone that is stronger and capable of understanding more, loving more and capable of holding on more.

I was really afraid to love more, to give everything I have and let someone know th real me. But the moment that it hits me, there I go. Giving up and providing everything for this special someone I choose to live my life for eternity or shall I say as long as I live. He hold the key to my heart. No one could ever unlock it. There might be some other things that are inevitable and we can never tell. However, I believe that we are bound for each other. Destined to be one. Fate allow our path to cross.

Though I love more and know that I'm vulnerable to pain more. I'm really such a weakling especially on the matter of my emotions and feelings are concerned. Plus him... No matter how illogical and irrational I might be sometimes in showing him how much i love him, that is just ME. Falling so deeply in love with him.

i miss you so much myBanako..mwah..

I was afraid to love more but what can I do. It hits me, and the only choice I have is to love you and love you more each day. Choice that I so love to do everyday.

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah...




L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...