worst self

 I was so freaking out a while ago... contrary on what I feel on the 20th. now, I'm drained and freaking so tired. I know I'm such a stupid big spoiled brat & when i have my temper it so hard to control it... tantrums overrule me & can't think anything right or good.

People just don't have any idea how I'll freak out. You have this feeling like you wanna punch the wall so hard that you don't care your hands will get bruised...like you wanna throw all things you hold and don't care you'll get hurt... like you just wanna cry buckets and buckets of tears... like you're in your peak of anger that made your breathing so hard and your BP so high (even tore the the picture I posted in the wall)....I admit, I was like this beyond words could ever describe.

Once I'm so damn mad, so damn freaking out, so damn have this tantrums it would surely the hell out of me to ever so control it... no matter how I tried, it just it's so hard...

I just want it to burst out, let it all go...and cried....screaaaaaaammmmm.....

I was like this a while ago... or before and still now can quite change how I cope up if I get hurt...

Maybe, its just so me...but the worst me... & one thing that can trigger it is getting so badly really badddllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hurt...

I know it's kinda bad & really need to change it & I'm dealing with it as hard as I can. I am a transparent individual, what ever I'm feeling it affects what will happen for my entire day. And so, I need to be fine to go on...and move on, thus, one person can help me move on and be ok.  The same person who hurt me so bad. The same person who he said : "he created a monster". The same person who will let me cry buckets of tears. Yeah, it sound I'm so dependent & that explains the other story of my life that made me so hard to adjust for the couple of months for his so far away.

His words are just so powerful that it heals my broken heart.

His smile is so angelic that I know for sure I'll be back in the right way.

His invisible arms that I know are hugging me tight ,comforting me and assuring me that he'll be there for me not leaving me while I'm dealing with my worst self.

He know exactly how to make me feel ok and back to my normal self. No matter how I cried bucket of tears earlier before going to work, he managed to make me ok. He still does, and that quite made me happy for I know he'll still be the guy I choose to see my worst self and still be the guy I wanna spend with my normal and loving self.

Thank you for the patience and understanding myBanako... You deserve all my love. mwah

 iLOveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaaah..