Is so busy on paper works this past few weeks and thus, upload some random edited picture before. However, it doesn't change anything. I'm so much still in love with him. We were able to saw each other in Skype and talked about things, though I was kinda moddddyy can't tell the reason. But! yeah, I was darn so moddy on our monthsarry but he was able to made me smile.The same guy who made me madly fall in love all over again.
Nothing's change myBanako. I love you to death. and I wanna be with you soooonnnnnn....
Lost count as to how many times I replay the song in Youtube. Here's the link of the music video if you wanna hear it for yourselves. Click here! Just few hours from now, another month will start. Or just 30 minutes to be exact it will be April 01, 2010 already. Here I am, still listening to that darnn gawd song. Keep on replaying 'til such time that I can heal the missing-feeling I fell right now. I gawdd darnn miss you so much....
The song is dedicated for you myBanako. It's from my longing heart. I miss you...
Made a pictotext before fixing myself to work and before Skype got disconnected. The pictotext is for our 75th monthsarry.
"The reason it hurts so much to separate (distance) because our SOULS ARE CONNECTED."
So, there.... We dated the whole day and talked anything under the sun. He made my day so perfectly wonderful. Haaay, I wished sooner I'll be with him. And the next time, well celebrate our monthsarry I'm next to him, sitting beside him, laughing, smiling....
By the way, I'm still surprised and speechless right now. What really happened is:
I arrived in the office at exactly 9:10 PM, Phils. time and when elevator opens guard gave me a receipt for a bouquet of flower and a big box of toblerone, which was placed on the bench in the lobby. I received a bouquet of flower with a dozen roses in it and a big box of Toblerone. Weeeee!!! I was surprised and speechless, really. I even asked the guard, if it’s really for me. He said, if you’re Cristy then it’s for you… hahahahah….
Anyways, myBanako… THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH…. YOU made my day wonderful earlier, now YOU made my night again. I’m happy myBanako, but I will surely be much happier if you’re the one, personally who gave it to me.
Not enough time to make picto text for our 75th monthsarry. So browse for pics from Ace, and find this pic. He edited it so, credits go to myBanako…. hehehehe….
Through it all myBanako, I still love you soooo much..mwaahh..
I never though this would come up in my always in love mind. :)
Just this day, a question pop up in my mind like those ads in the internet shouting to you ANOOOUNNCEEEMENNTTTT!!! Thus, the question is : OBSESSION or PASSION?
I then call the every bff's of all , Mr google. Search for any possible information that will somehow clear my mind into these two things. I'm afraid being obsessed. But definitely, proud to be passionate. I don't wanna be obsessed with anything or anyone. I don't want to have that impression that I'm obsessed with such a thing or person. It makes me think bad, idk maybe simple because of the word 'obsess'. Any how, let's try to check those terms.
Start off with ,
Obsess:Mr. Answers simply answers: To preoccupy the mind of excessively/to dominate the mind or thoughts of.
Passion: still from Mr. Answers says: A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger/the object of such love or desire.
Upon knowing the two definitions, it then made me think I'm obsessed and somehow passionate. Is there such a thing as good obsession? harharAs that's what I like to think about on what I feel now. A good obsession, well, if there's no such thing as that. I'll just made it up. hehehe Ok, yeah! I admit I'm obsessed. There are lot of things actually, from photography, dresses, heels, foods, quotes, pinks, blacks, Jacob, Bella, Edward, Tricia, Crissey, hahahahaha I'll just add them, they inspire me. what else? more, there are more things that I can hardly remember that I can say I'm obsessed with. I'm obsessed with love, romantic love, to forever. But one thing, that made me worried is the obsession of him. When your obsess about something, you cannot stop thinking about it and you cannot think about anything else, this is just a simply proof that I have obsession with him. A good obsession though, aaahhmmm maybe there's this bad obsession or anything you can tag it with the word obsession.
Nevertheless, when passion sits in. Now I'm blocked and don't know what to write. bwaaaahhhhhhhhhh What I think when passion sits in is : I love having him to love.I love spending each of my days with him. I love smiling and laughing with him. I simply love knowing his worried when I'm sad for that made me fine as well. I love writing every thing that happen to us in our online diary may it be bad or good or naughty or anything. I love reminiscing every memories with him. "I love I have this obsession with him." hahahaha, now that made me though. Well, I discovered what my passion is. 6 years, 2 months and 11 days to be exact. I'm just passionately in love with him and also glad that I have this good obsession of him I just can't get him off my mind not a single minute.
haay, I should be sleeping by now 'coz I still have work at night. It's just those 2 bold words struck me earlier. wt! So, well.............. I need to kick of my a** here and start sleeping. hehehehe
Oppps, I forget for Difference between OBSESSION and PASSION, click here. I stumble upon it earlier while searching for obsession and passion.
Well, well, wellwhat we have here?A BaBy her name is 'Francois Eloise Esguerra', but still he doesn't exist and was made through morphing it. He was made last December 24, 2009. And I posted it on my tumbleblog, click here. And I was browsing my tumbleblog earlier 'till I remember the picture. So, decided to post it here in our blog.
It's our so called : baby, though we just morph it. teeeheeee
So, who got most of the feature? the face? how about the eyes? the lips? the nose? Is it ME or HIM? Waaaaaah!!!... Excited much to be a mother? Not really, just excited how he/she looks like in real life. But, having him/her will be 2 or 3 years from now. It's a big responsibility being a mother so, I need to be ready mentally, emotionally, physically and of course, financially. I don't want my baby to experienced what I experienced.
The site where I made the baby is http://www.morphthing.com/ , it's a morphing site, the smooth transformation of one image into another by computer, where you can morp two images into one and like, will made a virtual baby for you with features coming directly from the pictures you choose. The site is amazing. heheheheh, got a glimpse of how our baby look like and is excited to have him/her 2 years from now. hahahaha
One Tree Hill
[where he usually spend time jogging]
Greenlane Hospital
[he said, where he want to work someday]
Royal Oak Mall
[The Mall, where sometimes he do the laundry. sosyal]
Was not busy at work yesterday, so decided to find where his currently staying. Wikimapia.org let me do it. So, search for familiar places he went to. I used to hear those places when we talked in YM. Thus, I let my eagerness control my entire system. So there, check out what I found. I found the One Tree Hill, where he usually spend time jogging and exercising and unwinding. I also found Greenlane Hopsital, that is not the hospital where he currently work. But, he said he will work in that hospital one of these days and by that time, I'm already there with him. Also found, Royal Oak Mall, where sometimes he do the laundry. Sosyal sah? Mall, manglaba.
where his currently staying. Wheewww!!! he actually send me an email with attached print screen of his place. However, I wanna know where exactly his place in Wikimapia. It took me almost an hour to find 'coz I was comparing the print screen I got from him and the places, houses, streets in Wikimapia. I traced the street, so there. Finally, I was able to find it. And, I can easily distinguish right now where his house is. Yepeeeeyyy!!!! I actually edit the map and put that 'life' there. Sssshhh!!!! Don't tell anybody.. hahahhha.. But wheeww! yesterday night I was not in good mood. And finding out the place where his staying, where he sleeps, where he spend all his days and nights with Jong and Sookie, made my night.
Finaalllyyyyy, for the entire year. Got to know how his environment looks like. And, got this feeling I'll be there sooooooonnnnnnnnnn... This let me feel somehow that I'm there and was able to visit places in NZ.
It is a happy monthsarry but I could be pretty much happier if you were here.Never a dull moment with you Kulit honestly hehe.. Yes we often argue this past few days but with each other we found the way to resolve. Sorry for being mean sometimes I'm just missing you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much. I love you more than ever. I desperately need u. huhu so lonely. Keep a good and positive heart I reckon there is a happy ending ahead of us. Got to go and meet you online. Happy Monthsarry!! whhhheeeeew.
Happy 74th monthsarry!!! Nothing change still, I still love you so much weather you're here or so miles away. But I would be much happier if you're here by my side right now at this moment celebrating with me.
This is just temporary, I know I'll be with you soooner, very sooner. And will be spending my life loving you.
myBanako, iloveyousoooomuch..mwaah.. ikaw og ikaw ra ako! I’ll be waiting for you and never will I get tired waiting as much as I’ll never get tired loving you this much…
Please hold me and keep me close in your heart. I need you.
iloveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah… ♥♥♥
Happy 74th monthsarry myBanako…
Love Lots,
kulit, your asawa, hoping, praying & looking forward to be with you again.
Posting couple stuff's. Before heading out to sleep. Finally, these two stuffs he already received it. He received it last January 20, 2010. Nothing's change still. I'm still amazed with each couple stuffs and for buying things for him or for US. 888D
" Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. "
I'm back on track. The things I'm dealing with is already resolved. Though, I can't put into details those things but I'm much happier that everything went out just fine. Ohh, how much I miss this blog. But I'm back on track now, so blogspot don't you worry anymore. I'll be updating you. *give virtual hug to blogspot* as if I could feel your hug. hehehee
So, this is actually a late post for the image. I edited the text last February 12 in preparation for Hearts Day 2010. This is how I spent days before Hearts Day, making pictotext, editing pics and thinking of things that I can give to him. Everything I do will always be for him.
Haven't get over with Hearts Day yet? harhar... 8888D *insert face filled with utmost glee here*
Anyways, I'm back on track. I feel happy. Happily inlove to be specific. Happy in love to the same guy for 6 years and almost 2 months. Is this what they call true love? Falling in love with the same person again, again, again, and again like you feel it will take a lifetime to have this feeling?
Maybe, that is why in marriage its requires true love. For you will spend your whole life/lifetime to only one person and that needs falling in love again to the same person. :)
Gggrr, I'm out of the topic already. Carried away with what I feel. Nevertheless, I wish and hope and pray and pray that this feeling won't last. And still wishing, hoping and praying and praying that I'll be with him sooner. Really can't wait to be with him, back to where I belong. Back to where my heart will find true happiness, back to where my home is, and it is in his loving arms.
will stop updating this blog for couple of days or weeks or idk idontknow as to when I'll be back.... there are just things that I'm busy dealing with.... for now, you may check my tumbleblog , 'Anything about kULiT ^.^' . There you might find some updates about me. But surely, I'll damn miss updating this blogspot account, this is one of my treasure.
So long, blogspot. This is not goodbye and definitely I'll be back. Pray for me that I'll be back soooner...
mwaaah... thank you for letting me share all my treasured memories. I'll miss you.
Day of hearts with the man who means everything to me.
Spendin' time with Kit & Ton2x at SM, Greenwich satisfying our stomach for lasagna with starbucks mocha frap with mint. I'm happy to have them as friends to date with especially on hearts day. teeheee. But, the most special part of the day, is when I got to see him, captured every moments with him & spend my time talking to him though it means seeing him on Skype & talking with him on YM only.
I'm in SM while his in Ate Rhol's house in NZ. We might be on two different worlds at that time, two different places that I'm unknown where the heck Ate Rhol's house is, but we're creating the same memories on that same hour at that very moment in which I'm thankful of also, for I go to spend the day of hearts with him.
iLOveyOusomuchmyBanako…mwaaahh.. i’m missing you sooooo much.
Waaaaahh!!! It's hearts day already & of course, there's something I need to do for my special someone out there. Though he will not received it on Hearts day but still, there's this hope that one day he will read and see personally my works. And for Hearts Day what I have for him, actually made for him.
" LOVE is missing someone whenever you're apart but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. "
my personal message is in the back of the card. Though his so miles away from me, still I never feel lonely when I think of him. His always near, for his hear in my ♥. ilovehim so much. Not this distance will change that. i love you, i love you, i love you somuch.... for how long? 'till eternity... mwaah
Happy Hearts Day myBanako!!! iloveyousoomuch.. mwaaah..
Made this yesterday, after we talked in Skype & YM . He was so sleepy, after he arrived from work and his net connection is so slow for his on dial up 'coz hurot na ang storage for his net. Decided to made this one for Hearts Day.
Happy Heart's Day to you myBanako!!!! mwaaah.. "A hundred hearts would be too few. To carry all my love for you... mwaaah "
An obligatory post!!! ahahha... Not really, it's a request from myBanako. He said, one time that where's 'Cefiro'? You haven't posted anything about Cefiro. So, here it is myBanako. Request Granted. Of course, I'll see to it I'll grant all your request as much as possible.
Emmy, his old Mitsubishi Emeraude car is already dead, something bad happened to her. Farewell, Emmy and hello Cefiro. *winks
His name is Cefiro, newly added baby in the family. His a blue Nissan Cefiro, don't know anything about car so let's have the description that way. Maybe, I'll ask myBanako to give me description about him and will add it later.
Haaaay!!! can't wait to ride together with him on Cefiro. I can't wait for that day to happen. I can't wait to visit NZ and be with him everywhere, anywhere & think about us. Only the two of us no worries, where will going to spend the night or what we have for the next day. Everything won't matter for we have each other. Hopefully, *crossfingers it will be sooner. I wanna be with you sooner myBanako.
I was putting a pic of our new couple shirt on the side bar & then, remembered that we had actually took pics of it after he received it last Jan 20, 2010 , in time for our 73rd monthsarry. It took 8 months after finally, he have it. So here is our pic, actually made it as our profile pic on our FB accounts, profile pic for my twitter and four our blog. yayyyyy!!! <3<3<3
After, we talked on Skype here is what I've done. I had photo bomb with the message I put on the cardboard. You can check it here: 1 , 2 , 3 , there are actually 3 posts. So there you go....
I miss you so much. I wanna be with you sooner myBanako.... mwaaah...
iL0veyousomuchmyBanako, I'll meet you in dreamland. nyt2x!
"Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again"
Came from my 1 hour lunch break. I had a lil-chitchat with my lunch buddy, Au2x. Then, I remembered. I remembered that today happens to be one of the saddest day of my life. First is, each day without him. No wonder, I felt not good today. I'm having a heavy heart, at the same time emptiness inside.
I remembered last year.
It was a gloomy day.
It actually rained like clouds and the sun felt what I'm feeling.
It was that day, when I had 3 straight days CWS and 7 straight days of work.
It was that day, when I don't know how I'll survived even just a day.
It was that day, that I only want to think of Nothing but my brain is not my best ally.
It was that day, when our dreams will slowly fulfilled but need to sacrifice our time together.
It was also that day, for the very first time ever I went to an Airport.
It was that day, when I got to spend my time with him together with his family and our friends.
It was that day, when I got to spend my half day with him.
It was that day, when I'll know I need to be stronger each day for I'll be facing one of the greatest fear of my life : being ALONE.
It was that day, when I last saw his smiles, last time I felt his touch, last time I felt his hug and the last time I heard him whisper 'iloveyou' and never had the idea when will be the next time I'm able to have him close.
It was that day, when I realized that his inside that plane. Moving away from us, from me that I just caught myself realizing how lonely, how awful it felt to know someone special is leaving.
Whewww!!!... I can just sigh and tell to myself that I was a non-believer before of LDR but right now. I seem to have much faith on it. Time passed by so quickly. It's already a year, I can still tell every detailed that happened as of this very moment on the very same day last year. It seems the weather right now felt what I'm feeling. It's gloomy outside also, just like on that same day last year, but unlike last year definitely, it'll not gonna rain as I can no longer cry as much as I want to. For tears no longer permit there-selves to fall.
For a long empty and lonely year, without him. I'm thinking of the changes starting from that same day 'till now. Have I changed? Is there any changes at all? Is there any difference? What I feel for him? How much I love him? How much I wanted to be with him each moment of my life?
It makes no difference, distance makes no difference. It doesn't change anything. His actually right, 'Loving you from a distance makes no difference. Only that I miss you so much' and that's exactly how I can tell what I felt in one sentence. I'm still in-love with him & still waiting. Waiting & hoping that this same day today, will never ever gonna happen again but instead will be replaced with each-day-waking-up-with-him and spending-each-of-my-days-with-him.
" Loving you from a distance makes no difference. Only that, I so miss you much. "
Had a lil-chit chat with myBanako last night. After he arrived from work, & saw this picture before he arrived. So, I somewhat decided to edit it. tanndaaann!!! his & my version. I actually asked him for a simple quote that will simply remind him if he'll see the picture. Thus, he created one. hehehe charotsz ayo bah!!!
But anyways, thank you myBanako... There's no difference weather you're near to hold or out of my reach. I still madly, deeply in love with you. The same guy, who captures my heart & it's definitely YOU...
Love stood still
Movin’ us together
Love stool still
Leading us towards each other
Now we’re back at the start
‘Coz while we were apart
Love stood still
I just wanted to say "Thank You" to the same guy who let me fall inlove all over again.
It's nice being happy. It's nice how happiness just rule your entire system. No worries, no problems. Hakuna Matata!!! free from all worries....that's what happiness brings me today.
...
I woke up around 5:55pm earlier. Tried to do things, post process pictures but can't finish it or I don't have the urge to finish it. Getting lazy I guess & was having a head ache. Tried to take some nap but my mind is preoccupied.
Og g.brown.out!!! haaaayyyyyyy........
So decided to just wake up, eat dinner, take a bath and about to prepare myself for work. When I then feel, this emotional depression thinggy again. I share to my journal the feeling however, crashed it all out and write instead happy moments. I don't want to feel sad anymore. I just wanted to be happy. So I should start the night right, but still can't deny that even though I wrote happy thoughts and things in my journal my face brings the opposite of it. I lay in my room for a couple of minutes, staring at the ceiling blankly, blink my eyes 'til then I noticed moist running out both from my eyes down to my cheek!!! arggggh!!! not again... kapoia njd wui!!! My face is so gloomy as I step outside from my room and I'm so irritated and all. I can't even dare a smile. I was confused and lost again. haaay, the never ending confusion and getting lost of myself. My mom and my sister can't even talk to me without me getting irritated.
My sister ask : "g.away npd mo?"
Ako : wla man!!!!....
Her: cge kag in.ana mo tigowang kah!!!
Ako: no comment!!!
but I'm thankful that there's no electricity for my eyes are getting moist again. For what I really felt is missing someone so much, needing him beside me right at that very moment. I so wanted to share to them, how hard it is but decided not to and keep it to myself and pretend to be irritated and all....
As I was about to go outside and on my way to work...og sa dihang ni cga btaw ang suga!!!!..hahahaha... then, that's how my happy moment started. I then, went back to my room. Boot ACE and connect to net then 1.2.3. I'm ONLINE in YM & SKYPE.... and got to see him... hhaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!! *sigh
Even I know, I'll be late at work but I still have the chance to be with him for just 10 mins. 10 mins that entirely change my mood. From gloomy face to giving my best smile. No pretensions. I was able to give my best smile and really felt light. I felt so happy. Happy that he's there with me. Happy that somehow he felt that I need him that I need him for me to give my best smile. So, happy in love. And here I go again, falling all over again to the same guy. I'm so happily in love with him. haaaay B wui, love au tka og mingaw na au ko nmo...
So I was late for work 7mins late to be exact, but happily in love. & wanted to say "Thank you a million times myBanako for bringing the best out of me especially my smile"...
Because of this one day journey of one's selfI had. His angry with me and will not forgive me. huhuhuh.. I just want to apologize for not letting you know myBanako, promise I did that for myself. Unwinding for I'm fed up arguing and giving you problems. You said 'if mg.tink kag problema kulit. soloha na!!!' Nobody wants to think of probs not even me. I'm tired with all of it. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to unwind and give myself a break from the emotional things that I encountered this past few months. The depressions and all. I just wanted to escape from it all. You just don't have any idea what the hell I went through. It's just so hard for me. So I need you to understand, please.... Sorry na myBanako, I can assure you that I didn't do something stupid. I'll not gonna break the promise I made for I know what will be the prize I'll pay nor what I'll be risking. You're my only treasure and I'll not let myself risk you....
It will never happen again.... I'll tell you everything what I want to do and where I wanna go... soorrry na myBanako....
Last night, I was on SL due to personal reason. And I'm needing him that much. I need him to stay longer & talk to me or if possible have a lil chit-chat with corny jokes for really I'm feeling so lonely even I was just at home. I was begging him to stay longer but he need to sleep for it's almost 1am in his end. It's not like in the Phils. that it's just 8 in the evening.
This is one hell adjustment of LDR. When you need your partner in your side to comfort you and feel his warmth hug and cuddles. I know it's not possible but at least he was there talking to me on skype.
I was having hard time to sleep, to deal with the loneliness, to deal with my emotions. I need him that much last night but it should not continue for I know my life is not about dealing with all the emotions in the world. My life has to deal with all other things in which I need to face it with chin-up.
Last night, before my subconscious eats my whole system and take me to my dreamland, where me lying or cuddling in his arms. I then recall, the plans I had before. I remembered that I wanna do it, one day. Like, go to familiar places, common places we used to date. Where we used to create memories or reminisce memories. Where we can just be ourselves, no worries, no problems and nothing to think about than just the two US spending each moments of our life.
Thus, I wanna conquer the biggest fear of my life. Being ALONE, going to places that reminds me of him and tearing/killing/drowning myself to loneliness 'til I'm getting used to it that I can leave by the pain that brought with it. Plus without telling anyone, not even Him. Before I think of this, but so scared to do it alone, for I don't know how, what will I do or what shall I feel. But as I wake up this morning, there's this urge to do it. To conquer this, to face everything alone, to keep running in comforting myself when he's not there to comfort me.
I was doubtful early this morning that I can do it. It was so difficult to step outside from our house and go where my feet will take me. It was hard to think that I know he's not waiting to any place I have in mind which I want to go. But still I wanted to go. The urge was stronger. The need was stronger. So I step out of the house and thinking : give yourself a break kulit. You know you can. Be free from all worries and lets go, will have a date.
Yeaaaahh!!!.... I was scared at first for thinking what shall I do? Where should I go first? But, weeeee..... there I go, free as a bird, riding jeepney's to and fro. Unwinding myself, which means to me finding familiar places which will remind me of him. Which I know that he exist, that we exist before on those places.
Time Started: 10 am... this is it kULiT!!!
First stop : Visit close person in our hearts.
Got to visit my papa, my lola & lolo, his lolo as well.
plus: hapit2x sa kilid!!!...
Before heading North, LUNCH TIME AT Jobi Lilo-an...
Second stop: Got to visit the place where we spend our first months, monthsarries,birthdays, anniversaries or any random dates or occasions. The original place where we love star gazing but too bad, can't do star gazing for I know I can't be home too late still have duty tonight.
Third stop: Got to visit where we usually love star gazing 2nd place where we love to hang out and just hang out anytime of the day usually after class during college days. huhuhuhu, I really miss this one... star gazing and tsecrettt... hehehe
Time Ended: 4:45 pm... happy to go home!!!!
Whew, what a day I had earlier. And it's nice to know that I was able to made it, without crying my heart out. I simply just spend my day unwinding especially on the third place where I miss the most. Where I got to let all my fears out, all bad thoughts and keep myself stronger. I made it. I didn't keep on looking for him not even miscall for I simply want to have him a day out of any problems that I caused him these past few days or months. For all the worries I brought to him.
I feel so new about myself. So satisfied with all things that happened today, with all the places that I went to. I feel that I can conquer each odds, each loneliness alone. I feel stronger that I was able to visit each places which reminds me of him without crying my heart out for I know his there with me also, here in my heart.
Honestly, though I was alone. I didn't feel lonely at all...
Feel free to read anything about the two of US. This blog is intended really for OUR MEMORIES that we wanna share to everyone as well & let you be apart of it.
Our blog sounds a lil bit chezzy but we don't care for as long as we have keepsake of our memories that we can read anytime & anywhere! (esp. for him)
I'll be posting memories & thoughts every now & then so keep updated & feel free to read and post comments!!! ciao :)
