confused....

I'm confused...

I don't know what to do...
I'm fighting with my heart and with my brain...

My heart tells me I'm not tired doing all the things... but my brain oppose it...

I wanna do things but so afraid and have many fears what are the outcomes... the result...

I wanna rest my heart from the pain it always feels...

I wanna rest...

I'm tired...
I'm tired feeling this way...
so confused and so scared....

I wanna be the one who's brave that can handle anything...
I wanna be the one who's not scared of losing him...
I wanna be the one who's giving him conditions and lectures....
I wanna be the one who's brave enought to show him that I can always exist without him in my world...

But his my weakness... how can I possibly do all these things I have in my head....

But I have to... I need to... If I want him to realize on things... If I want him to miss me much... If I want him to let me feel how I feel....

I have to... I need to.. but I just CAN'T....

huhuhuhu.. what else should I do...
what else I need to do...


I'm tired...

Sorry!!!

I'm sorry!

im sorry is the best word that i want to say... sorry seems to be the hardest word to say if you really mean it...

sorry for all the things.... for acting this way...
for not understanding and for not letting you feel that you were forgiven and that you are loved so much by kULiT, your asawa...

i still felt the hurt though...and still felt so little to myself.. that i cant stand up on my decision when it comes you... i wanna let you fell what i went through and hopefully will understand what i felt...

and that i wanna see you put on more efforts in winning my apology.. but a simple "sorry kulit" and "iL0veyousomuch myasawa"...an efortless sorry will melt my heart and will forgive you from the bottom of my heart..and besides, even without doing those things i already forgave you despite all the things that you did and will do...

i already forgave you myBanako!...just please help me adjust and be like you...ok?

and you know how much iL0veyou...i do!..i really do love you so much....kahibaw ka ana!...if onsa tka ka love,dba?

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..and im missin you so much...i'm missin you!...

please forgive me also myBanako...

iL0veyousomuchmyBanako.... let's be ok!..mwah.. i missYou..

your asawa,
kuLiT..mwah..