The night that was...

The day that was...

It was exactly half past 1 in Auckland, 23rd of September when I arrived. I was quite nervous on the "Arrival Card" because I was brining with me meat crackling (chicharon) and some Cebu delicacies like dried mangoes and rosquillos. You need to make sure you declare all of them or not you'll need to pay the fine of $200. We were exchanging text at that time and I'm soooooo excited to see him. After 30 minutes of battling the Custom, from checking my baggage, to giving my expiry of visa. I then take the Exit with butterfly in my stomach and my drumming heart. I saw him, SMILING with a bouquet of rose in his left hand. He welcome me with arms wide open then, gave a really huge HUG. Gracia and Ate Rhol's was with him. It was a cold night, since it was the end of Winter.

He bring my baggage and have a lil "hi" and "hello"s. What I have in mind is, it might be a lil awkward since we haven't seen for year and half. But it wasn't.It was the same feeling when I'm next to him years back. Finally, he held my hand and I've been longing for it for years. He was still the same man I used to know and love. The same man who made me so alive. All missing/longing feeling was gone and I was there with him on that cold night smiling and pinching myself if I'm just in a wonderful dream.

We went to Ate Rhol's car and went to Ate Rhol's house, with a stop in Mcdo to get some early dawn snacks. I'm not in the appetite to eat something that time. After a couple of minutes, we then went home and for the first time I'm in the passenger seat with him in Naughty. I even look for the moon when we went out from Ate Rhols house and there it was, shinning so brightly. Finallllyyy!!!!! we arrived at home and supriseeeee. A disco light and some lighted candles waiting for me plus the cheesecake.

That was the night that we both were waiting for. First time I saw him again for a year and half. The ever first time that we'll be together again and shall not let distance again be in between both of us. But if it does, we will surely still conquer it.

A new chapter of our love. A new beginning for the both of us. And it started from the night that was....

Below are old pictures, my first few days in NZ. enjoyiiiee!!!!

At Cornwall Park 

At Dressmart Shopping Centre 

 

At Mission Bay 

At Nando's in Botany

There you go folks!..enjoyiieeeee... till next time. 

I Remember

It was a rainy evening when all you did was to weep in tears

Rain drops fell and no one else did hear

Broken young heart seeking to get fixed

What to do? love again and be ditched?

Yesterday I saw you seems nothing's queer

I insanely admire your beautiful face

But how do I get rid of this fear?

Could I just hold you without anything to say?

I love you is all I need to utter

Oh please cupid shoot me with your arrow of beer

Being giddy doesn't even matter

As long as at the end I can lean on your shoulder

A day I woke up with you in my arms

Is it a dream or only created  by my foolish mind?

Yes it's true! pinch me then I'll know

If not then one truth I have in heart I do always love you

I'm almost complete 'till we got separated

It's been a while since we actually dated

Memories I recall whenever I miss you

Still a sparkling smile when I think of what we've been through.

-BbF

P.S.

Wish I could be next to you very soon.

Happy Monthsarry. I love u so much.

a rainy morning

I'm super busy this past few weeks. Preparing evidences here and there, processing documents here and there, thinking how to do this and that, money maattersss, plus time and efforts... Whew! It's just a busy month for me. I just woke up and the first thought came in my mind is : MISSING HIM darn much! as he was still the last thing I have in mind when I went to sleep at 12mn last night. It's been over a year and few months passed, nothing's change that much. I'm still head over heels in love with him. I just can't take that thought ooutta of this head. I'm missing him, every single day. I pray sooner, I pray and wish and hope that soonerrr, very soooner I'll be with him...

For pictures of this post, I decided I'll post what I did yesterday. Two days RD and just spendin it at home, waiting for him and being with him. I was busy with my scrapbook yesterday, so here are some glimpse of it.

These are some of the pages I have with my scrapbook, quite messy but everything that ties the two of us, our memories that we wanted to reminisce and every time spend before are there. One witnessed how insanely sanely in love I am with him. :D

Love finds a way...

"I love you and I always will..." , got the message in the card that was slip in the boquet.

Here are the pictures I took last night after I received the bouquet. Weeeee!!!

Thank you so much to myBanako, who set up this for me. You never fail to make me happy. Yaaay!!!... you made me fall in love with you again. xoxoxox

iloveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah… ♥♥♥

ps: I was just using my phone in taking the pics so that explains the low quality of the images.  :(

Happy 75th monthsarry myBanako!!!!

Happy 75th monthsarry myBanako!!!!....

Made a pictotext before fixing myself to work and before Skype got disconnected. The pictotext is for our 75th monthsarry. 

"The reason it hurts so much to separate (distance) because our SOULS ARE CONNECTED."

So, there.... We dated the whole day and talked anything under the sun. He made my day so perfectly wonderful. Haaay, I wished sooner I'll be with him. And the next time, well celebrate our monthsarry I'm next to him, sitting beside him, laughing, smiling....

By the way, I'm still surprised and speechless right now. What really happened is: 

I arrived in the office at exactly 9:10 PM, Phils. time and when elevator opens guard gave me a receipt for a bouquet of flower and a big box of toblerone, which was placed on the bench in the lobby. I received a bouquet of flower with a dozen roses in it and a big box of Toblerone. Weeeee!!! I was surprised and speechless, really. I even asked the guard, if it’s really for me. He said, if you’re Cristy then it’s for you… hahahahah….

Anyways, myBanako… THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH…. YOU made my day wonderful earlier, now YOU made my night again. I’m happy myBanako, but I will surely be much happier if you’re the one, personally who gave it to me.

Thank you & thank you sooo much....

Happy 75th monthsarry myBanako!

Happy 75th monthsarry myBanako!!!!

Not enough time to make picto text for our 75th monthsarry. So browse for pics from Ace, and find this pic. He edited it so, credits go to myBanako…. hehehehe….

Through it all myBanako, I still love you soooo much..mwaahh..

Happy 75th monthsarry myBanako…mwaaah…

iloveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah… ♥♥♥

Happy 75th monthsarry myBanako!!!!

Throughout the years, the months, the days. I'm still in love with you. I wanna be with you sooner, that's what my heart is shouting for everyday.

Never a day I think about you. I gawdd miss you sooo much.

iloveyouuuusomuchmyBanako. mwaaah..

Happy 75th monthsarry! It could have been happier if you're here with me.

iloveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah... ♥♥♥

OBSESSION or PASSION?

I never though this would come up in my always in love mind. :)

Just this day, a question pop up in my mind like those ads in the internet shouting to you ANOOOUNNCEEEMENNTTTT!!! Thus, the question is : OBSESSION or PASSION?

I then call the every bff's of all , Mr google. Search for any possible information that will somehow clear my mind into these two things. I'm afraid being obsessed. But definitely, proud to be passionate. I don't wanna be obsessed with anything or anyone. I don't want to have that impression that I'm obsessed with such a thing or person. It makes me think bad, idk maybe simple because of the word 'obsess'. Any how, let's try to check those terms.

Start off with ,  

Obsess: Mr. Answers simply answers: To preoccupy the mind of excessively/to dominate the mind or thoughts of. 

Passion: still from Mr. Answers says: A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger/the object of such love or desire.

Upon knowing the two definitions, it then made me think I'm obsessed and somehow passionate. Is there such a thing as good obsession? harhar As that's what I like to think about on what I feel now. A good obsession, well, if there's no such thing as that. I'll just made it up. hehehe Ok,  yeah! I admit I'm obsessed. There are lot of things actually, from photography, dresses, heels, foods, quotes, pinks, blacks, Jacob, Bella, Edward, Tricia, Crissey, hahahahaha I'll just add them, they inspire me. what else? more, there are more things that I can hardly remember that I can say I'm obsessed with. I'm obsessed with love, romantic love, to forever. But one thing, that made me worried is the obsession of him. When your obsess about something, you cannot stop thinking about it and you cannot think about anything else, this is just a simply proof that I have obsession with him. A good obsession though, aaahhmmm maybe there's this bad obsession or anything you can tag it with the word obsession.

Nevertheless, when passion sits in. Now I'm blocked and don't know what to write. bwaaaahhhhhhhhhh What I think when passion sits in is : I love having him to love. I love spending each of my days with him. I love smiling and laughing with him. I simply love knowing his worried when I'm sad for that made me fine as well. I love writing every thing that happen to us in our online diary may it be bad or good or naughty or anything. I love reminiscing every memories with him. "I love I have this obsession with him." hahahaha, now that made me though. Well, I discovered what my passion is. 6 years, 2 months and 11 days to be exact. I'm just passionately in love with him and also glad that I have this good obsession of him I just can't get him off my mind not a single minute.

haay, I should be sleeping by now 'coz I still have work at night. It's just those 2 bold words struck me earlier. wt! So, well.............. I need to kick of my a** here and start sleeping. hehehehe

Oppps, I forget for Difference between OBSESSION and PASSION, click here. I stumble upon it earlier while searching for obsession and passion.

nytieee! everyone........

iloveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah... ♥♥♥

March 1, 2010

my LIFE

One Tree Hill
[where he usually spend time jogging]

 

Greenlane Hospital 

[he said, where he want to work someday]

Royal Oak Mall
[The Mall, where sometimes he do the laundry. sosyal]

Was not busy at work yesterday, so decided to find where his currently staying. Wikimapia.org let me do it. So, search for familiar places he went to. I used to hear those places when we talked in YM. Thus, I let my eagerness control my entire system. So there, check out what I found. I found the One Tree Hill, where he usually spend time jogging and exercising and unwinding. I also found Greenlane Hopsital, that is not the hospital where he currently work. But, he said he will work in that hospital one of these days and by that time, I'm already there with him. Also found, Royal Oak Mall, where sometimes he do the laundry. Sosyal sah? Mall, manglaba. 

and the best thing I found is this :

LIFE

where his currently staying. Wheewww!!! he actually send me an email with attached print screen of his place. However, I wanna know where exactly his place in Wikimapia. It took me almost an hour to find 'coz I was comparing the print screen I got from him and the places, houses, streets in Wikimapia. I traced the street, so there. Finally, I was able to find it. And, I can easily distinguish right now where his house is. Yepeeeeyyy!!!! I actually edit the map and put that 'life' there. Sssshhh!!!! Don't tell anybody.. hahahhha.. But wheeww! yesterday night I was not in good mood. And finding out the place where his staying, where he sleeps, where he spend all his days and nights with Jong and Sookie, made my night.

Finaalllyyyyy, for the entire year. Got to know how his environment looks like. And, got this feeling I'll be there sooooooonnnnnnnnnn... This let me feel somehow that I'm there and was able to visit places in NZ.

I know I'll be with you sooner.

iloveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah... ♥♥♥

wait for you...

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

Thank you....

 

Photo Credit : Thank You

I just wanted to say "Thank You" to the same guy who let me fall inlove all over again.

It's nice being happy. It's nice how happiness just rule your entire system. No worries, no problems. Hakuna Matata!!! free from all worries....that's what happiness brings me today.

 ...

I woke up around 5:55pm earlier. Tried to do things, post process pictures but can't finish it or I don't have the urge to finish it. Getting lazy I guess & was having a head ache. Tried to take some nap but my mind is preoccupied.

Og g.brown.out!!! haaaayyyyyyy........

So decided to just wake up, eat dinner, take a bath and about to prepare myself  for work. When I then feel, this emotional depression thinggy again. I share to my journal the feeling however, crashed it all out and write instead happy moments. I don't want to feel sad anymore. I just wanted to be happy. So I should start the night right, but still can't deny that even though I wrote happy thoughts and things in my journal my face brings the opposite of it. I lay in my room for a couple of minutes, staring at the ceiling blankly, blink my eyes 'til then I noticed  moist running out both from my eyes down to my cheek!!! arggggh!!! not again... kapoia njd wui!!! My face is so gloomy as I step outside from my room and I'm so irritated and all. I can't even dare a smile. I was confused and lost again. haaay, the never ending confusion and getting lost of myself. My mom and my sister can't even talk to me without me getting irritated.

My sister ask : "g.away npd mo?"
Ako : wla man!!!!....
Her: cge kag in.ana mo tigowang kah!!!
Ako: no comment!!! 

but I'm thankful that there's no electricity for my eyes are getting moist again. For what I really felt is missing someone so much, needing him beside me right at that very moment. I so wanted to share to them, how hard it is but decided not to and keep it to myself and pretend to be irritated and all....

As I was about to go outside and on my way to work...og sa dihang ni cga btaw ang suga!!!!..hahahaha... then, that's how my happy moment started. I then, went back to my room. Boot ACE and connect to net then 1.2.3. I'm ONLINE in YM & SKYPE.... and got to see him... hhaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!! *sigh

Even I know, I'll be late at work but I still have the chance to be with him for just 10 mins. 10 mins that entirely change my mood. From gloomy face to giving my best smile. No pretensions. I was able to give my best smile and really felt light. I felt so happy. Happy that he's there with me. Happy that somehow he felt that I need him that I need him for me to give my best smile. So, happy in love. And here I go again, falling all over again to the same guy. I'm so happily in love with him. haaaay B wui, love au tka og mingaw na au ko nmo...

So I was late for work 7mins late to be exact, but happily in love. & wanted to say "Thank you a million times myBanako for bringing the best out of me especially my smile"...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwaaah.....

I miss you so much myBanako..mwaaah..

20 things...

Was scanning my scrapbook and found out this valentine letter dated Feb. 20, 2006...

20 Things He LOVE about US.

1. OUR LOVE
2. OUR SACRIFICE
3. OUR :*
4. OUR HUG
5. OUR CARE
6. OUR BELIEF
7. OUR HOLDING HANDS
8. EVERY PLANS WE HAD BAHALA WALA KLARO
9. THE WAY WE CALL EACH OTHER (BbF & kuLiT)
10. THE OFTEN WE MET
11. OUR IMPOSSIBLE YET REALISTIC PLANS
12. OUR WHISPER OF 'I LOVE YOU's'
13. OUR 20th OF THE MONTH
14. OUR MESSAGES
15. OUR GIFTS
16. OUR MOVIE WATCHING
17. OUR RING
18. OUR TRUST
19. OUR SONGS
20. HIS HAPPINESS & MY HAPPINESS

Of course, there are explanations behind it but choose to have it that way...

i miss youuuu so much myBanako...

There will be 20million other reasons what I love about US, but it's always be 'YOU' on top of the list...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah...

 i simply miss you...

the one who love more

For the past few days of not feeling well and having myself back. I'm doom again to this unbearable feeling of missing someone so much. I just can't help it, like can't help myself from thinking of him. From the moment that the sun rise and wake up from heavy sleep I can then think of him. His face will just then pop up from that same old place that occupy my mind and my heart for the very long time while staring at the ceiling to absorb myself that I'm already awake. Then, my day starts thinking I can survive this long day and wishing his there with me. Go on with my daily routine on what I have for the day. Sometimes, we will go online and we chat and talk for a while and this will somehow cover up the loneliness and somehow will help me go through the day.

And at the middle of the day or at the end of the day, still my mind is lingering to every thought of him. Whether I'm on the jeepney going to work, or while eating my lunch in the pantry or just about to sleep. I always have my phone with me, checking on him from time to time or shall I say include him to whatever activities I have. When I'm about to sleep, I usually put my cellphone on an upright position just to see his YM ID flash on the monitor and bid my goodnights and found myself talking to my phone. Yeah, it might sound crazy but this is what I do each and everyday/every night. Even I know he'll not go online but this keep me sane, this keep me think his always part of me no matter where or when.

Whatever my mood is for the day, I can't cease to keep my mind from thinking of him and my heart from wanting him each day with me. I can sometimes pondered that there are two individuals in a relationship. The one who love more and the one who receive the love more. And I can't deny I'm the first person. Well, his deserving for this love I have. I was once, the one who received the love more and the one who easily give up then let go and move on like nothing happens. Its just one day everything turns upside down. And how everything, change me into someone that is stronger and capable of understanding more, loving more and capable of holding on more.

I was really afraid to love more, to give everything I have and let someone know th real me. But the moment that it hits me, there I go. Giving up and providing everything for this special someone I choose to live my life for eternity or shall I say as long as I live. He hold the key to my heart. No one could ever unlock it. There might be some other things that are inevitable and we can never tell. However, I believe that we are bound for each other. Destined to be one. Fate allow our path to cross.

Though I love more and know that I'm vulnerable to pain more. I'm really such a weakling especially on the matter of my emotions and feelings are concerned. Plus him... No matter how illogical and irrational I might be sometimes in showing him how much i love him, that is just ME. Falling so deeply in love with him.

i miss you so much myBanako..mwah..

I was afraid to love more but what can I do. It hits me, and the only choice I have is to love you and love you more each day. Choice that I so love to do everyday.

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako..mwah...




L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

I just wanna be with YOU....

I just wanna be with him.

I just wanna be with YOU...

This is the song I kept on playing after I woke up with a heavy head

for I'm having a headache this morning.

Headache due to I cry myself to sleep last night. The story of my the night that was on the next post.

I just wanna be with you myBanako. I'm missing you so terribly.

Vanessa Hudgens - Just Wanna Be With You ft. Lucas Gabreel, Zac Efron

(Ryan) Mmm...I got a lot of things
I have to do
All these distractions
Our future is coming soon
We're being pulled
(Ryan and Chelsea) A hundred different directions
(Ryan) But whatever happens
(Ryan and Chelsea) I know I've got you

(Ryan) You're on my mind
You're in my heart
(Ryan and Chelsea) It doesn't matter where we are
(Ryan) We'll be alright
Even if we're
(Ryan and Chelsea) Miles apart

(Chorus, Troy and Gabriella) All I wanna do
Is be with you, be with you
There's nothing we can't do
I just wanna be with you, only you
No matter where life takes us
Nothing can break us apart
(Troy) (You know it's true)
I just wanna be with you

(Troy) You know how life can be
It changes over night
(Troy and Gabrialla)It's not even raining
But it's alright

(Gabriella) A friend like you
(Troy and Gabriella) Always makes it easy
(Troy) I know that you give me
(Both) Every time

(Both) Through every up
Through every down
You know I'll always be around
Through anything you can count on me

(Chorus, Troy and Gabriella) All I wanna do
Is be with you, be with you
There's nothing we can't do
I just wanna be with you, only you
No matter where life takes us
Nothing can break us apart
(Troy) (You know it's true)
I just wanna be with you

(Both) I just wanna be with you

Happy 70th monthsarry myBanako...

hi myBanako,

everything's fall out of place when you're out of reach
everything seems to dark when you're out of sight
everyday is not as good or as wonderful when you're just near...

right now, it seems I'm living in a dream of nightmare for you're too far away...

it's really not the same when you're near... like by an hour if I need you to be next to me you're then there for me...
it's never the same when I can just touch you and hug you so tight if I want to..
it's never the same when I can just stare and cuddle each time I need you to...

i don't know how did I survive through all the nightmares... maybe, because there is YOU all along helping me through this journey...

i don't have a choice, on not falling all over again with you despite of all the things.
for my heart and my mind keep on shouting your name...
being with you, knowing and letting me know that you love me simply is the best chapter of my life..
you always lift me up during my darkest hours...

you're voice will always be the rhythms of my song...

i can't replace any touch you've given me... it made my whole system, COMPLETE..

i have love before but you're the only who can break my heart...

I never feel tired nor sick of hearing, reminiscing and watching our LOVE STORY... I can watch it all over and over and over again with YOU....

YOU are perfectly one of the greatest gift I have...

iLOveyOusomuchmyBanako.mwaah..

Happy monthsary....mwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,,,,,


L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

Happy Monthsarry

Who would know i fell n love wd someone lyk u, surely still I am..
If I could pinpoint the highlyts that lyf has offered me I could easily grab your presence out of it.

I've seen brighter days before but it's not as lyk I could stop nd think and be able to see the bright side my dark moments.

I've been hearing sounds but it's not the same as I've heard rhythms of ur voice.

I've been touched with somebody else's but its your touch which i can't strip of my system off.

Somebody comforted me before but none of them made me feel that I can!.

I've been loved before but you r the only one where my heart belongs.

I'm honestly sick of watching love stories but I don't knw y I keep repeating our love story over and over again.... bow.. hehe sabta kulit wa ko kasabot sa ko gstorya. mwah..

u are absolutely one of the best things dat happen to me

too late..

.
.
.

its really too late to change...
too late for everything for me now...
too late to correct all those things...
too late to erase those bad memories and let the good ones prevail.

too late to let him go... i don't know how...
i know i can't...
i love him way toooo much of considering him out of my life....
but the same time i don't wanna be selfish....

it's just ironic that i post earlier things to have a lasting LDR and here i am telling myself to let go...
hahahay, i'm getting tired....

until when i have this strength?
until when i can win?
until when i can endure of all the pain that i started all?

God, please help me...
what my heart desires is to be with him forever.... till eternity it takes...

happy 68th monthsarry myBanako

.
.
.

68th months!.. and still counting.... 6 months that I haven't see you personally and still counting... i missing you so much and much myBanako.... each day passed, I'm missing you much...

iL0vey0usomuchmyBanako...

no matter what happens please don't let go...
just hold on.. hold me so tight don't lose grip...
for i know sooner we will be okey... we will be together again....
and reminisce those memories, and have the usual talk we had before....

everything will turn out fine... everything will turn out all right...
believe in me.. and as well as believe in Him for I know He will always be with US guiding us through our journey...

and

believe as well in our LOVE... for we surpass almost everything and i know for sure we will surpass and get through this..

iLoveyouso much still myBanako... nothing change....

You belong to ME, only and I always belong to YOu.
ps: and there's nothing you can do about it ... hehehe.. ; )


Happy 68th monthsarry myBanako..mwaaaahh..

iLoveyousomuchmyBanako..mwaah..



L0ve L0ts,
kulit, your asawa

hoping, praying, wishing and looking forward to be with You again...

falling apart

-------------------------------- things falling apart -----------------------------------------

For the past few days, we experienced our love been put into a test again. Test that would certainly measure how much we love and how much will hold on and fight.. Before, his faith and trust was put into test.. N0w, it's my turn... I never imagine it feels this way, it is so hard and I felt so guilty for I let him felt that way before.. The feeling is so unbearable..You can't eat no matter how you force yourself to eat... You try to sleep and tend to forget but still , it keeps haunting your thoughts every now and then... You try to enjoy as if nothing happens but still the pretentions is not enough to cover the pain...You can even think things are falling apart, your losing your grip no matter how tight you hold... you tend to smile and then, cry later.. you wanna shout..have many questions in mind that you wish in the first place it should not be there.. you continue to search for answers that somehow will ease the pain... unfortunately, those will not just unfold right there and then in your naked eyes..

Trials will really test you and your special half... you cry and drive you insane... you don't know where to start, how to start and what to do... you don't know why this should happen... You really just don't know why... But not until, you'll be calm and clarify things to the person you can't live without... The only person who will answers those question and who will let you understand and pick you into pieces... The only person who will let you know the truth despite how bad you felt with the revelations and confessions...

There's so much talking and listening, hurting and revelations in the whole process that you need a big heart and a whole mind to understand and accept the truth....

But despite and inspite how it all started... The most important thing is how it will end....

h0ld 0n, fight and love each other m0re...

confused....

I'm confused...

I don't know what to do...
I'm fighting with my heart and with my brain...

My heart tells me I'm not tired doing all the things... but my brain oppose it...

I wanna do things but so afraid and have many fears what are the outcomes... the result...

I wanna rest my heart from the pain it always feels...

I wanna rest...

I'm tired...
I'm tired feeling this way...
so confused and so scared....

I wanna be the one who's brave that can handle anything...
I wanna be the one who's not scared of losing him...
I wanna be the one who's giving him conditions and lectures....
I wanna be the one who's brave enought to show him that I can always exist without him in my world...

But his my weakness... how can I possibly do all these things I have in my head....

But I have to... I need to... If I want him to realize on things... If I want him to miss me much... If I want him to let me feel how I feel....

I have to... I need to.. but I just CAN'T....

huhuhuhu.. what else should I do...
what else I need to do...


I'm tired...